The Purple Sky

what a day. i've been feverish ever since this morning, had mucous flowing out my nose like a leaked water tank, and had been sleeping all day that anyone could easily mistaken me for having opioid withdrawal. lukily i only have one class to attend today, no wards, no cps..(that's the beauty of radiology posting..) and since dr anizah couldn't make it to class today for some unknown reason, she was replaced by dr yusri..*highlight* [the good-looking dr yusri]. i wouldn't rate him as gorgeous or to-die for but yeah..he's good looking..so that's a pretty good motivation to get out of bed, iron my baju and go to class. hehhh..

okay. confession. last night i had a dream. of HIM. u know what people always say about first love. about no matter how many guys u met along the way the first one will always have that special place in ur heart; no matter how well ur life has settled HE will always hold a soft spot in ur heart and stuff..and guess what, i'm the president of such beliefs. i think its partly because i happen to still be in contact with THE GUY even after all these years..and maybe partly because i hadn't met anyone that could surpass him yet. he had set such good standards, i sometimes wonder will there ever be any other guy who could.

ever met a guy who made u feel like u're the prettiest girl under sun? (even though u're the world renown fashion disaster as well as the queen of serabai-ness). made u feel so smart and capable of doing almost anything that nothing else matters. the guy who'd laugh till he drops at ur lame jokes even when no else gets it. the guy who would stay back when everyone else leave just because he knows u might need a company. he was that guy.

but things never worked out between us, and i spent YEARS trying to get over him. agonizing years; mind you.. of trying to find someone who could at least made me forget him..to know that everything has ended LOOONG time ago, yet i'm still here haunted by memories. (sometimes, yess.) especially when i hit that lonely button.

but after all these years all that's left of him in me is mere shadow. i can even safely announce that i'm all over him by now.. its just that.. i'm still amazed at my capability of having a dream
abt him. like last night. and i woke up stunned. how cruel.

press 'delete' HIM from hard disc.
'are you sure you want to send HIM to your recycle bin?'
press 'yes'.
go to recycle bin.
press 'empty recycle bin'.
'are you sure you want to delete HIM from recycle bin?'
press 'yes'.

aaand..history. i wish its as easy as that. i really wish. no more dreams please. as precious as it was but enough as it is. please.