The Purple Sky

"Yesterday is but today's memory, tomorrow is today's dream" - Khalil Gibran

miri : 6.09pm : 15.12.06



boleh nampak laut dari sini..


isyk..nyamuk!


menuju puncak!!

hisyh..anak sapa la nih..




i bought her last 2 weeks.
sandal yg setia aku pakai for these last 2 years akhirnya kembali ke rahmatullah when we went to the beach earlier.
so i had to buy her.
and i love her soooo much.

miss lovely in action



last nite, just after dinner of seafood and satay courtesy of mak jot,
all the 7 of us gi jalan2 sambil main2 kat playground by the beach. (again)
i tripped and fell lepas tersanggung seluar jeans aku sendiri.
takde angin, takde ribut, takde longkang, batu, kayu, lopak dan sebagainya.
can u imagine that?
aku pun tak leh nak bayang camane aku boleh jatuh sebenarnya.
anyway, as a result;


tgk manik2 yg dah terputus...
huaaaaaaaaaaaaa.....


huaaaaa.........



huaaa..........aaaaaa......aaaaaaaaaa..........


later we got into the car, heading home.
tapi after halfway, aku realize aku takkan dapat tdo malam ni kalau aku tak try sesuatu.
so the selfish side of me berjaya mengconvince jiq utk patah balik to the incident site,
regardless enon yg nak ke loo sbb bladder dier dah penuh.
bayangkan 4 org terbongkok2 di tgh2 playground.
mencarik manik2 bersaiz 2mm yg bertaburan atas rumput2 yg basah dalam gelap.
me, enon, bana and jiq.
thanx to our handphones backlight for the illumination.
macam carik needle in the haystack.
2 minutes later, ujan pun turun.
aku nak ajak balik, tapi diorg lak insist nak carik lagi.
hehh..seronok main ujan ke apa diorg nih..
anyway lagi..the result was;


taraaa...8 out of 19 that was lost.
but i'm still sad though.

it was only 2 weeks.

how often do you sat down and regret things that u have done in life?
ho often do u wonder abt things that u should hve done in the past?
how often do u think abt what ifs?

life is like walking down a straight path,
lined by flowers of different colours, shapes and smell.
u can pluck any flowers of ur liking along the way,
but u can never turn back to get the flowers u had missed.

life is a one way street, that is.
the most succesful are ones that grabbed the most flowers.
*sigh*

*sigh* it's been a while.
i miss my blogggggggggggggggg.............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a lot taht i need to write.
but most i can only leave to rust in my brain merely because i'm just too lazy queing for the computer.
15 people living in the house.
11 of whom are computer/internet addict (including me).
so just imagine the que.
btw, i'm in miri at the moment.
good food, great people and uncomprehensible languages.
lalalala.life is good. =)

last weekend we went to niah cave.
this weekend we're planning for brunei.
and also visiting some rumah panjang.
mulu national park is also in my wishlist of places to go, but for now that will have to wait.
maybe some other time, some other year..hehh..

back from niah i developed some rashes over my feet.
its kinda scary though.
i hoped i didn't catch any exotic diseases along the way..
*crickets chirped in an empty forest*
aawww...god forbid.
btw, my body temperature is normal,
so i guess i should be fine.

anyway..have anyone ever tasted 'gum' before?
the one sold in small colourful tubes for 10 cent each,
the one we used to stick papers during our school years..
remember?
hahaha..i've tasted that.
in sarawak, the GUM is EATEN.. okay..eaten..with some kerabu as appetizer..
it feels a lot like the fear factor at first, but heck, it wasn't that bad..
i can even say it's almost tasty, seriously.

hahaa..anyway..gtg now.. i'll be back with some more pics from niah and other places if i can grab the computer before anyone else does.

yep. finally back in seremban.
tp kejap je nih. lusa will be going to miri lak for a month.
being in kelantan was an OK experience.
need more time to learn and really get to know the place and the people.
i guess i've already taken a liking to that place more than i should.
i'm even considering to return there for my HO years..hehehe..
kalau jumpe aku kat kelantan di tahun2 akan datang jgn terkejut la ye..haha..

yesterday temankan umi n walid gi jalan2 sampai ke muar n melaka.
time nak balik, walid ask me to drive the car, and i said yes.
i thought i am totally over the incident, but i was dead wrong.
aku sendiri tak perasan that fact sampaila time aku drive last night.

it was like reliving the incident.
hujan lebat.
waktu senja nak mencecah malam.
highway tak berapa byk kereta, tp kenderaan berat byk.
umi dan walid at the back seat.
macam dulu.
kecuali dulu umi was seating in front.
kali ni there was adik.

the moment hujan start turun aku dah raser tgn aku trembling.
bukan sbb sejuk.
i can feel the blood rushed into my head and stayed there.
the whole moment aku asyik terfikirkan incident eccident tu.
dan everytime jugak tgn aku akan menggeletar lebih kuat.
tp aku mmg degil. mmg ketegaq.
i never told umi. or walid.
aku taknak diorg risau.
aku taknak diorg hilang keyakinan kat aku.
aku diam je n terus drive dalam keadaan yg sgt stress tu, hoping yg aku boleh overcome my nervousness, soon.
"i've driven many times in the rain before in my kancil and everything was fine.
why should another car be any different?"-was my thought of comfort.
dgn umi yg asyik startled-kan aku everytime ader lopak atau keta yg dtg my way doesn't help at all.
bila sampai bangi i was beyond relieve.

mcm nightmare that has just ended.




Ok. Finally the urge to write something.
Dah hari kedua classes start. I’m bored to the max.
Malas nak attend clinics, let alone tutorials.
Tomorrow ader clinical exam for this posting, hari jumaat ader written (SAQ) xm for the last 3 posting I’ve been through.malas..malas..u can never imagine how malas I’m feeling at the moment.

Today my period pain was soooo severe that I had to skip class. (even tho I was demoralized to attend classess, aku just pegi jela..for the sake of tak nak ponteng kelas..) but after halfway, I just cannot hold on anymore..daripada aku stay dalam kelas buat muke monyok and annoy everyone around me, baik aku kuar je, hehh..so i sneaked out when the lecturer went out a while to get something. Luckily mha was on her way home too, so tumpang dier je balik umah-telan panadol-tidur zzzz..-sampaile maghrib td, hehehe..legaa..

This Saturday, will be leaving for Newcastle (KB).
Ni lagi satu bahana malas aku.
I was sooo excited initially to go there for my elective, but at the moment I am thinking,,,kenapelaaa..aku tak pick non-medical activities je utk elective ni..at least that’ll give me the break that I had always long for…huk alaa..nasik sudah jadi bubur..too late for a change of heart now..tp tula..hopefully I’ll get to enjoy my stay there.

My car is not wif me right now. In fact, I’ll not be seeing her for sometime after this. Baru 3 hari idup takde keta, I already felt crippled. Kne bergantung ngan org nak gi memane pun. Nak gi makan pun kne tanya org. nak gi bank, nak gi post office, nak gi kedai beli maggi... (ni la anak2 muda zaman sekrg..manja sgt. Baru tarik satu nikmat dah takleh idup.) huaaaaaaa…….I miss my kancil…!!!!!

Aaaa..lupa nak cerita..last nite..there was a monkey rampage kat area umah aku tu. Habis kecoh. Sbnrnye sekor je monyetnye..terlepas daripada cage owner dier yg kebetulan kuar umah..pastu si monkey ni dah gi masuk umah my friend n makan makanan diorg..apelagi..kecohla kejap..sampai ptg td pun, monkey ni masih belum ditgkp balik lg. Monkey at Large! Hahaha..taklehla nak bukak pintu rumah lama2 pasni..kang ader ‘tetamu’ tak diundang yg masuk lak, hehh..

******************************************************************************

After pondering over my raya pics, aku baru sedar yg aku tak byk ambik gamba sedara mara time raya aritu, hehe..mainly because..aku sibuk sgt dok ambik gamba adik2 sepupu aku yg –masyaAllah ramainyee…- sampai aku lupe nak ambik gamba mak2 sedara n atuk2 sedara aku sumer..hehehe..anyway..these are some of it..atau..patutnye aku kata, these are ~la familia~.. lalala...
(mai, if u're reading this..nanti aku upload gamba kat ko..sblm end of this week, eh2..)

and at the moment, aku masihhh..sgt teringin nak makan rendang lagi…


umi


zahir n walid


abang..


atiqah n me


the kiddos..

baru balik dari umah jiddah kat penang. just wasting my time sbb taktau nak buat ape..

T O M O R R O W:
1. Is: Hari Raya Keempat. Hari Jumaat.
2. Got any plans: mmm...beraya rumah member2..tu jela kot..hehh..
3. Dislikes about tomorrow : dah raya ke4 ke..cepatnye cuti... hari sabtu dah nak balik dah..?huhuu...

F A V O R I T E:
1. Number: 4.
2. Color(s): deep red n baby blue
3. Season: musim hujan for the nice sleep at night, musim panas sbb baju cepat kering..n also for the blue sky..! i love the blue sky! lalalala...

C U R R E N T L Y:

1. Missing someone: sharifah nurin nasuha, my 3 year-old-cutie cousin
2. Mood: slumber
3. Hungry: nope. terlalu kenyang sbnrnye..perutku terase ketat..huhu..

Q U E S T I O N S:
Q: first thing u did this morning?
A: gosok gigi pastu gi cek makan ape for breakfast
.. =P


Q: Last thing you ate?
A: nasik ayam monoflavour kat railway station Taiping. (Gerai Nur Intan. jgn makan kat situ..tak sedap!)

Q: Do you have anything bothering you?
A: loads of things. exam, perut yg terlalu kenyang, what my bro told me earlier today..huh..

Q: What's annoying you right now?
A: takde pape.

Q: What's the last movie you saw?
A: citer hongkong, operation undercover.best!

Q: Do you believe in long distance relationships?
A: i'm a wrong person to answer this. but frankly, maybe not.

Q: Is there a person who is on your mind right now
A: not really

Q: Where is the last place you went?
A: megamall penang. tadi. dgn adik.

Q: Do you look like your mom or dad?
A: people say my mom and me look like sisters. hehheehe..

Q: Do you have any siblings?
A: 3. me the middle one. i used to have that middle-child-syndrome maser kecik2..hehh..

Q Do you smile often?
A: i do. tapi i know i have a very bad set of teeth. waaa.. but i love to smile nonetheless..hehehe..

Q: Do you think that a person is thinking of you?
A: err..taktau la..but i love to be thought abt la. =)

Q: Choose to have (love, beauty,creativity)
A: definitely intelligence, pastu love, then duit, then respect..then peace in life.

Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: err..ye kot. as long as i'm not in my worst of mood la.

Q: Who's bed did you sleep in last night?:
A: katil kat umah jiddah kat penang..uuhh..sedap..lembut..sejuk..i woke up at 10, hehehe... =P

Q: What were you doing at 9 last night?
A: makan ketupat pulut hitam kat perlis! :0 (tgh beraya time tu)

Q: When was the last time you cried?
A: the last time i saw the petronas raya ad. sedih.

Q: Do you get angry easily?
A : hehe..yes. but i cool down easily as well.

Q: What was your last thought before you went to sleep last night?
A: sedapnye tdo...

Q: What song are you listening to right now?
A: no song. cuma bunyi kipas kat bilik.

Q: Would you rather be single or in a relationship?
A: being single means freedom. being in a relationship means being cared by someone. for now, i choose freedom. tp would love to have someone by my side someday la. =)

Q: Do you ever check your phone waiting for someone to call?
A: hehe..not really at the moment..i'm single, remember?

Q: Rate life as of right now 1-10
A: 3


ps: i'll load some of my raya pics later. tp kind of frustrated, sbb byk gamba yg tak lawa...huhu..esp lepas dah upload masuk komp. chishh..

yeaaaaaaa....esok raya..

aku dah selamat balik umah hari sabtu. kuar dari rumah di Seremban 9.30 am, sampai rumah kat Taiping beberapa minit lepas waktu bukak puase. jam punye pasal. adoilaaa...penat.

anyway..dah selamat sampai pun. sebenarnye feel nak raya tu takde la sgt pun. time zaman kecik2 dulu iye la..raya mmg la sgt menggembirakan. baju baru berpasang2..dgn kasut nye..begnye..dapat jumpe sepupu2..main lari2 keliling kampung..duit raya bertimbun2...(petang raya dah mule la kawad beramai2 pegi kedai da'am. (time tu kat kampung aku ni kedai da'am mmg top habis. mcm jusco la..) beli chewing gum, beli gula2, asam masin yg ader salut2 gula tu..air fanta grape, dan yg plg penting beli mercun dan bunga api. (mercun belum kne ban lagi time tu..aku tgh darjah 2,3 masa tu) malam2 pakat ramai2 main mercun.. ader sorg pakcik aku ni keje dier tiap2 tahun adalah pastikan supply mercun tak putus..so mainla mercun puas2 smp sesak nafas, pastu lari masuk rumah tgk tv kejap..n then sambung main balik sampaila mercun habis. biasenye mercun mmg byk sampai main 2,3 malam baru habih sumer mercun.

biler dah tua2 sikit nih raya macam dah takde makne sgt. balik kampung..pastu, ikut jela rumah mane yg mak ayah aku nak bawak raya pun. aiman tak kisaah..kalau tak kuar beraya, lepak la duduk rumah sambil borak2, sambil tgk tv sambil habihkan makanan mana2 yg patut. sekali sekala turunla dapur buat air atau basuh pinggan mangkuk. bak kata encik rambai, 'tak raya pun takpe'.

raya tahun ni aku:
1) sedih sbb Ramadhan dah nak abiss.. taktau lee apa rupa bulan pose aku kali nie..(biler pikir2 balik..ngumpat byk jugak..huhuhuu...)
2) seronok jugak la...sbb dapat pakai baju baru (walaupun mcm budak2..hehehe..tp saper yg tak seronok dapat pki baju baru,, ye tak?..)
3) sedih sbb takde kuih tat gulung tahun ni.. makcik kuih tunjuk2 tu silap ambik tempahan..waaaaa...
4) sedih jugak sbb takde rendang ayam..ummi lupa le tu. dier dah janji nak tempah rendang ayam tahun ni...huhu..
5) sedih sbb lepas raya ader xm. biler la nak studi ni jang oi..
6) seronok sbb nak jumpe member2 time raya nanti. ader yang dah berapa tahun tak pernah jumpe. =))
7) sedih sbb khali hasan tak balik penang tahun ni.. dier balik jb.. ala.. sunyi la rumah nanti..
8) sedih bila tgk iklan petronas kat tv. as usual, air mata aku melimpah takde limit biler tgk iklan tu. sbb iklan tu mmg realiti. perkara2 camtu mmg byk terjadi. ader satu studies ni yg dijalankan oleh prof2 kat upm tak silap aku.. menunjukkan yg ramai anak2 menjaga ibu bapa yg tua dan sakit bukan atas dasar kasih-sayang, tp atas dasar tanggungjawab saja. hasilnya; mcm yg terjadi dalam iklan tu la..nanti la aku qoute studies tu. very intresting..skrg ni malas. =P

daripada 8 perkara yg aku senaraikan, 6 adalah menyedihkan dan 2 je yg menyeronokkan..kan aku dah kate raya tu takde la seronok sgt..?

anywaaayy...kepada si melawat sesapa yg sudi/telah/selalu melawat page aku yg tak seberapa nie..SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI n MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN aku ucapkan. dan terima kasih kerana sudi singgah kat sini.. kepada yg nak drive time2 raya nanti..berhati2 dijalan raya..kpd yg ader diabetes dan hypertension..jaga2 makan time raya..kepada yg ader xm lepas raya..marilah kita studi bersama2..huahuahua...




p/s: sblm aku terlupa, alonso finishes 2nd dalam gp brazil smlm, thus he is now the 2006 F1 champion. nanti la aku tulis lagi pasal ni, kalau aku ader masa le.. rite now, entry tema raya, hehh..


yg diraikan
yg meraikan
kek

merenung masa depan..


kanak2 kanak yg gembira dapat makan kek



'blusher'


raya dah dekat. will come in mere days. mulai besok member2 dah start pakat2 packing barang n balik kampung. aku lak balik sabtu nih. will be driving home AGAIN.
huhu..tak nak drive sbnrnye..sbb aku berani kerat jari-konfirm highway jam. tapi kne jugak bawak balik sbb seminggu lepas raya nanti aku dah nak pegi kelantan.
3 minggu. lepas 2 nak pi miri lak *ahaks*.tambah lagi sebulan takde kat rumah..sapa nak jaga keta ku sayang selama 2 bulan..?
dahla aku takde sticker parking..parking kat luar je..huihh..tak selamat sungguh..aku igt nak tumpang kat rumah khali hasan di bangi je..tp ummi insist aku bawak keta tu balik jugak. mmm..thats why i'm driving home again.
-tak suka drive jejauhhhh..huuu..-

ada satu balang kuih ni aku bawak balik sbb nak kasik ummi rasa. kuih tu sedap gler....

tapi belum raya lagi pun, kuihnye dah tggl separuh balang..huahua..aku yg tak tahan dok tgk kuih tu hari2..hahaha..

esok nak kne pi cek air, minyak..etc2..sbnrnye bole je buat sndr..tp sumpah aku takkan buat. biar aku suh abg kat stesen minyak tu je yg tolong tgkkan.
sbb ader sorg pak guard kat umah aku ni..suke pandang aku atas bawah tetiap kali aku lalu depan guard house. selagi keta aku tak kuar dari junction umah aku tu, selagi tula dier akan dok pandang aku tak lepas2..tiap2 hari lak tuh.
maaaakk aaai.. serammmm...dulu rajin gak aku tegur pakcik sorg ni bile nak gi kelas..igt nak ber-friendly je.. pastu makin menjadi2 lak dier nih..biler aku buat dono, mulelah dier start buat macam2 nak tarik perhatian aku..

sejak tu..aku tetiap pagi mmg takkan spend lebih dari 5 saat depan guard house tu. masuk je keta, derumm enjin, terus chow. takde nak panas2 enjin dulu ke hapa ke..
n dalam kes cek keta nih, konfirm la aku gi buat kat stesen minyak je..
lantak la..janji aku tak terasa terkakis dgn pandangan dier tuh..huhuu..

today i bought myself sumthing yg dah lame ader kat tangga teratas of my wishlist.
*MY BABY*
-sebijik digital camera- weee...
dah laaaaaaamaaaa..dah aku ngidam..tapi asyik tak beli2..sbb asyik dok terase bersalah nak guna duit aku 2 utk beli bende suke2..
tapi satu hari tu..aku bgn tdur..bende pertama yg terkuar kat kepala aku time tu.."aku nak beli kamera jugak2"..haha..so ptg td selamat la sebijik camera jadik milik aku..raser high giler..aku jalan kuar dari terminal one tu sambil peluk bungkusan camera aku tuh..raser cam peluk emas lak..hehehe..

experiment first camera tu : birthday bal.
td lepas terawih. celebrate kat a&w. tahun ni ramai lak birthday yg jatuh time bulan pose..tp tu la..adehh..dok gelak2 dan bising2 cam bukan bulan pose je..balik umah aku dah raser tak best dah..aku ni kalau bab melagha mesti smp lupa dunia..hisyyy..

td jugak last day aku buat gp posting. dah 4 kali buat gp posting, aku raser ni la yg plg best. haha..maybe sbb sblm2 ni ilmu tak byk lagi kot. dok iyakan je sumer yg doktor kata.. (mcm la skrg dah pandai sgt..hahaha..)
anyway..betul la mcm yg doktor tu cakap, bulan pose ni tak ramai yg sakit..tunggu la lepas raya..klinik sure jamm. segala mak nenek punye penyakit muncul.

lepas raya..org yg ada diabetes, gula dalam darah naik mencanak2..org yg ader hypertension, blood pressure pun naik smp tak mau2..biase la org kite..time raya la nak bantai makan pun.
ayat2 standard patient lepas raya:
" ala doktor..makan rendang kambing sikit je"
"doktor..lepas makan tu saya makan la ubat..
" Setahun sekali je..apa salahnye.."
diorg bukannye taktau..byk nye kolestrol kat dalam rendang tu..tak kira le lembu ke ayam ke..kalau kambing lagi la..byk nye lemak kat dalam ketupat tu..lagi2 ketupat pulut. secawan air gas tu, ada 11 sudu gula..kuih2 raya tu..karbohidrat bersepah2 - bila masuk badan, tukar jadik gula jugak..tu tak kira lontong lagi..dodol..pulut kacau..halwa maskat..

kalau kat kg aku lak, nasik briyani dok ada..
huiihh..kalau nak kata raya ni bawak penyakit pun mgkn betul. biar je pose lelama..sume org maintain sihat.

mmm..balik at citer kat klinik..byk mase nye aku spend borak2 ngan doktor je..(doc sumenye best2) n sbb aku buat posting ni sorg2..byk gak dapat hands-on. siap dapat tolong doktor khatankan sorg muallaf. huhuu..pengalaman pertama.

akak2 dispenser kat klinik tupun sumenye bessshhh...kak sal, kak ita, lynn, adik, azie..korg mmg best habihla!!! sedih lak nak tinggal klinik td.

td jugak aku perasan yg berat aku dah turun lagi 2 kilooo...!! huhu..ni yg tak best ni..sbb kebanyakan kain2 baju kurung aku still tak leh nak zip sampai atas. huhuhu..tak tau la lemak bahagian mana yg dah ilang tuh. tahun ni aku dgn gatal nye buat sepasang kebaya.. =P org lain pki kebaya aku pun nak try gak..tp tu la..aku tak nak le org tgk curve2 aku yg tak seberapa pun nih..so aku buat kebaya straight je..hahaa..mak cik tukang jahit tu tgk aku semacam je time aku order kebaya longgar..haha..gasak jelah..

mmmm..dah pukul 1.50 pagi..aku nak start packing la..lalalala..selamat hari raya semua..! maaf zahir batin. but dun forget Ramadhan yg belum habis lagi..okeh..choww..






pagi tadi bgn lambat.
sebab buat ebm punya pasal la nih tdo lambat glaaa..bgn awaaal..sblm sahur..
lepas subuh apa lagi bantai tdo..zzzzzz.....sedap....

sampaila tetiba rasa perut merengek2..
terus terjaga n lari ke toilet.
dari tingkap toilet nampak..langit sgt cerah?
habis bisnes aku lari masuk bilik gi tgk jam...
*0840 am*
humang aai...raser nak pengsan.
patutnye kne kumpul kat klinik sblm pukul 9.

maka ribut la satu rumah.
mandi ayam je.
celup air sikit2..sapu kat muka lebih kurang.
capai baju yg takyah iron je.
capai tudung raya yg baru beli 5 hari lepas pasal yg tu je yg plg dekat utk dicapai.

sampai kat keta, dah pukul 8.51am.
drive versi ribut sambil doa2 lampu isyarat ijau sepanjang jalan.
ada 7 lampu isyarat sblm sampai klinik.
4 ijau. yg merah pun nasib baik takyah tunggu lama.

sampai klinik, jam 8.58am.
7 minit. rekod dunia nih. kalah fernando alonso.
lari versi ribut naik klinik.
sambil doa2 mintakla prof dtg lambat..mintakla dtg lambat..mintaaakkklaa...fuh kiri..fuh kanan..
bukak je pintu....

yeay! prof tak dtg lagi. maka terselamatlah aku harini.
my diarrhoea saved my day =)


its 17th Ramadhan 1427 and its 10th October 2006.

today, a thousand years ago, the holy Quran was sent to our beloved prophet Muhammad (PBUH). it was on this day that human civilisations were revamped. from illiterate, to literate beings. from non-believers, to believers. from darkness, to imaan. it is the testament, the biggest mu'jizat.
"Alif Laam Raa. A book which we have revealed to you (Muhammad) so that you may lead the people from out of the darknesses into the light by their Lord's leave to the path of the All-Mighty, the Praiseworthy."
[Qur'an 14:1]

it was also on this day, a few years later that the Battle of Badr had commenced, and the prophet (PBUH) recited his infamous dua (translated as) "Oh Allah, if you allow this group to be overwhelmed, polytheism will become dominant and your Deen will not be established". The battle of Badr (which involves a group of 315 muslim bravemen figthing againts 950 Kufr) was the key battle for the Muslims world, and it had become the turning point in which the Muslims gained closeness to Allah. It was their aqeedah i.e their sole trust in Allah which lead them to victory.

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dija's birthday today. we'll be having our iftaar cum birthday celeb later today. all of us had promised to ignore her the whole day, *ahaks* so as to keep her anxious before the surprise party. but knowing dija, i know she wouldn't just be anxious, she'll be devastated! but hehee..that's the crime of being a birthday girl..muahahahahaha..*devilish lough*

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one thing that has been bugging me since the past few days. given a choice between two things that i really want, but both with consequences, i have to make a choice..to commit or not to commit. to surrender or to fight.

being an adult, i find it hard to make a ripe decision even for myself. afraid that i might regret. fear of the unknown. scared of circumstances. avoiding chances. all my life, my desicions had been based on other people's wishes or dreams. other's influence. it had never been my sole decision. which was great, actually, in a way.. because i can skip all the thinking and come to the final decision without a sweat. not great however, in terms of what-they-want-is-usually-not-what-i-want.

after pmr, i had to choose whether to stay in the science stream (which my parents and teachers urge me to) or to switch to the art stream which i really love. i chose the science stream, (after lots of tears and heart ache) mainly because my parents are strongly againts me taking art classes. after spm, i had to choose between engeenering-based matriculation or the biology-based matriculation. (before that, my interest mainly hovers around art studies.. so after switching to science stream, i don't really have any preference towards any specific science subject) in the end, i chose biology-based classes. thank god, coz i later found out that physics are totally out of my league. when i was i ukm, i had to choose whether to stay on and study the course that i utmostly loathe or take up medicine which is supposed to be a 5 years killer course, one that i had never dream of taking, not even once before. (one which i ended up taking, mainly because..errr..i just can't see myself being an optometrist for the rest of my life had i stayed in ukm, and secondly because i can imagine umi being proud having a daughter studying doctor-ship, and i do want her to be proud of me, so guess that's the least i can do for her).

and so i grew up into this..scared..unsecured..supposedly mature adult..fiddling with my choices and wondering...since when did i step into this strange land of adulthood..since when did every single decision i make starts to matter anyway..and why does it have to be so hard? honestly, i don't have any answer to all these questions.

to know what i really want is one thing, and to know what i need is another. and to decide whether its my wants or my needs that weights more. and the unwillingness of me to venture into the unknown and leave this sacred, familiar zone that i feel safe in. people say, "nothing ventured, nothing gained." true, but scary nontheless. me the cowardly me.

i just hope that when i wake up tomorrow morning, i'll have the answers in my head. God, help me.



this pic was taken last year.
we were at wani's house (in Rembau), a few days before Ramadhan.
there was..err..a ceremony..(majlis doa selamat =) ) at her place and her granny insisted that we took this pic.
it came out great, all of us love the pic..
maybe bacause of the colourblend and the background..

it just looks nice.

and whats more;
it looks like one of those pics they send in for Aidilfitri wishes in the local paper column.

*eyes twinkled*
someone suggested.."why not we give it a try..?"

*eyes twinkled again.. broad grins..*
"yeaaaaahhhhh..."


on 11th sept 2006, this pic made its way to the salam di perantauan
(utusan online).
sadly though, it was never published in the local newspaper.
guess it was kinda obvious, haha..




p/s: 12th Ramadhan. what deed have u done today? what repentance? and when is my report finishing? waaaaaaaaa...............

generalized anxiety all day long.
i really hate today.

what a sight...arrrghhh..!!!






i treated a friend for iftaar today.

he said he was touched. my heart sang when i saw him smile

the feeling of joy when u make another person happy.

maybe i should do this more often.

(and given the capacity to do it too..$$..hehehe..)

P/s : 10th of Ramadhan. entering the 2nd phase of the three-portioned month. a phase of maghfirah (period of pardon).












battle of the champions.

schumacher redeeming his dignity before his retirement. alonso fighting to prove his superiority over the renowned champion.

what a day. what a race. sad day for renault, and for me.

first grief . alonso started 1st on the grid, but end up losing in shanghai gp. wrong tyre decision. hot, used tyre working much better on damp race track. 25 sec juicy lead slowly being eaten away by schumacher who started 6th. right decision finally made but proven to be too late. no better chance will ever be so gruesomely wasted by renault. major waste.

second grief. thumbs down for renault's pit crew. worst mistake at the worst of times. alonso was left to suffer.

alonso and schumacher now's a tie in the driver's championship by points. but alonso lost the lead to schumacher courtesy of his seven wins as compared to alonso's six.

two races left for alonso to prove his worth. i'm all for u my man!


P/S: 9th Ramadhan and still counting..


yeay!

i've finally successfully made a banner for my blog.
it should be nothing for people who are pros,
but for a zero-knowledge person like me,
making the banner feels like crawling in the dark blindfolded..
(i don't even have photoshop to beginwith, haha)
but now that its done, i feel so high..!!

lalalala..

wait till i get my reports all done..i'm gonna try the template pulak.

report! cepatlah siap..!!!


P/S : its already the 7th day. cepatnyeee..masa berlalu..

penah tak dgr orang laungkan azan, cukup merdu.. sampai hati rasa tersentuh..?

bunyi macam pelik, tp time kat sekolah dulu, ada satu suara..,, yg tiap2 kali dier laungkan azan, aku mmg akan terpegun. tiap kali aku dgr aku rasa the world seem to halt, aku akan tutup mata sbb nak hayati alunan yg bagi aku mmg sgt merdu.

tp ironiknye, aku tak pernah tahu siapa tuan punya suara tu, walaupun puas aku bertanya kat org. habis sekolah, aku selalu terfikir adakah aku berpeluang nak dgr laungan azan sesedap tu lagi..

until today.

time solat isya' td. bilal yg berlainan, tapi efek suara yg cukup hebat, hampir buat aku menangis.
Allahuakbar. dan kali ni aku tahu siapa tuan punya suara tu. =)

it was awesome.


it is translated into japanese as "Suuji wa dokushin ni kagiru".
shortened, it is known as 'sudoku'.

its origin stems from an 18th century swiss's mathematician, by the name of Leonard Euler (not japan, mind u)
he devised the latin square, a square 9 x 9 grid in which all the digits from 1 to 9 appear in every row and column--and never got repeated.
it was 1783 at the time.

it was later re-created in the form of puzzle using the concept of latin lquare, by Howard Garns, a retired american architect, and was known as 'the number syndication'
a Japanese puzzle magazine later adopted the puzzle, and it became a hit there.
last year, sudoku became a regular feature in a newspaper in New York, and the rest, is history.
sudoku captured the world, from the west to the east, and then back to the west spanning 26 years from 1979 to 2005.

and to admit that i only discovered it months ago.
even then, i never had my hands on it myself, until last few weeks (when i heard that my friends are all frenzy abt it..)
the result was...wallaahh..>> i am now officially an addict!!
i wonder where have i been all this while..
if only i came to know u sooner..sob..sob..
(apparently sudoku is currently being published daily in nst and the star, but i was not aware of it before.. =P maybe i saw it but didn't take any notice..screw me for only browsing thru papers but not read them properly these days..)

as for the rule, it is actually simple.. complete the grid so that each row, each grid and each 3x3 square within the puzzle contain the numerals 1-9 with each numerals appearing only once.

this is where i get my daily dose of sudoku..!

its the first day of Ramadhan today.

nothing much happened, maybe because i mainly stayed at home.
went to my uncle's (khali hasan) house for iftaar in Bangi.
as i drove thru the highway.. i realized there are a few things about driving on the highway which makes me i nervous, even though i drive on the highway all the time.

1) people who drove CLOSEly behind me, (when i say close, i mean a few feet.. i can see their headlights being so near to mine!) but refuse to overtake nontheless..
2) being overtaken by large/heavy + speeding vehicle (i drive a kancil, so u can imagine how the car will shake whenever that happens)
3) motorcyclist who instead of using the lane allocated, are speeding their hearts out, overtaking most cars as they go along regardless the lane, regardless what car..
4) up front drivers who brakes a lot.

i don't know why, but there are plenty of type 3 drivers/bikers today on the road (i wonder if there's a convoy or something going on) that everytime they pass me by, i went into a shock. (u can't imagine how it feels..terkejut berkali2..) when i finally reached home, i was simply relieved.


i'm thunderstruck. dumbfounded. stupefied. flabbergasted.

my jaw just dropped when suki was announced the winner.
faizal should have won! suki didn't deserve it!! faizal was way..way..waaayyyyy (x249) better than her in every other possible way tonite. i know something was definitely wrong when they announced him as the bottom contender earlier on. but i was dead sure after performing he'll manage to win his way back to the top! i was dead sure!! i even came to a belief that the earlier vote count was just a gimic! when he pulled out the final track with a medley so awesomely performed, i said to myself..this is it. this is the winning point. i even imagined seeing his final formation being made the front cover of tomorrow's newspaper. (i can still picture him now..i sooo love the final formation..it was breathtaking..) poor him. he must have too many fans like me (who loves him so adoringly, but never cast a single vote. i do make myself a point not to commit such act..i love my money too much anyway) but i do love him enough to wish for other people to vote for him instead. lots of other people. =P maybe there are simply more people who thinks like me. haha. maybe that's why. anyway faizal. i love u no matter what. u're a superman. u don't need the 1 million ringgit to make it to the moon. u made me believe in superman.

i was actually thinking of writing abt something else tonite. something rather important which happened earlier today. but now that it boils down to this...everything else doesn't matter anymore. life is bleak.

yep. Ramadhan is getting nearer.

my naqeebah used to say..
-a Ramadhan is like a enrolling into a new madrasah of blessings; where good deeds are not just doubled, but multiplied by 80 times. those who achieve the most are the ones who appreciate its every second. its a training field. to re do all the things that we should have done right, to abide by His restrictions both in actions and absteintion and...to gather as much reward as possible, for He is most gracious during the month! and those who wins at the end of the month is he/she who emerge as a new person, a better person, after a month-long training.

to think that its that time of the year again, i'm actually nervous. i have always been very keen on every starting of Ramadhan. but i actually tend to get demoralized in mid-month, and as the end approaches, became rejuvenated upon thinking i may have wasted to much time, and may not live to see another Ramadhan again. so in those few days that still left, i'll usually try my best to live up the times that i've missed, but almost too often, its already approaching syawal, and its almost too late, so to say. and i'll end up regretting. that's me. but i hope to maintain my high morale from the start till the end this time, i really do.

hope i'll succeed this time..yaaaits!

yep. new home. finally.
people get new feelings as get into their new homes..so this is kind of like it.

nothing much really. just the same old me..and the same old rants.
just a new empty space with a bunch of old furnitures.

p/s: hope this one won't get dispersed into thin air like the old ones did!

" About her ~




A lady in her 20s, living in the remote of Sarawak - trying to fulfill her dreams. One step at a time, discovering and learning new and old (forgotten) things as she goes along.. Loves to eat, watch heartmoving movies, and photography!!. Her secret ambition is to be a race car driver.