The Purple Sky

hi everyone.
another post after a long hiatus. i wasn't in my blogging mood, but i was reading kak hliza's blog just now, somehow felt like writing something in here. so here goes a totally random post.

all who read my previous post would have known abt my washing machine. well, to add up to my series of mishap regarding this little creation called washing machines, the ones i'm currently parasiting (aka my friend's) broke down too. so earlier today, geared with my sabuns and berus baju, i rolled up my sleeves and started washing manually. hah. hours later, all i could do is sit on my chair feeling like my back would break. anyway, at least the laundry is done.

yep, i've been around these few weeks, jumping from blog to blog, catching up other people's post whenever i can. its just that i haven't been posting. don't ask me why. i guess one of the reason might be because i've been super busy..my finals are in about a month time. looking at the load of stuffs needed to be familiarized with before the exam, almost knock me dead. but yeah. i'm surviving. trying my best to build up my fortress so that i'm able to fend any attack from my lecturers in the exam.

so far my greatest weakness has been myself. i'm a nervous wreck. i can have nervous attack weeks before exam which can persist up to d day itself. which is actually mortifying. imagine not being able to eat, sleep or practically do anything weeks before the exam, retching away like mad the morning before exam, and went blank during the exam. for a student like me, its a nightmare. even worst than having dracula sucking my blood dry.

i had my worst nervous attack when i was in year 2, aka sem 3 final exam. i was so nervous and went blank on exam day. i failed that exam and had to go for reseat. i went home, hoping that i would be calmer and more focused by umi's side. i didn't. my nervousness just got worse by time. i remember sitting at my desk staring at the ceiling for days. and as you guess it, i failed that exam as well. which lead me to having to repeat a semester. major disappointment. that was when i realized, i need to seek help.

so i started talking to people about my problem. i started off with friends, but later realized i needed more than listening ears to solve my problem. i tried the counsellor, found her not suiting, before finally seeking refuge from my behavioural sciences lecturer. it was from her did i learn that i have some phobic problem. if i could name it, it would be examophobia..? hoho..i made that up btw, hehh..but i guess it would sound something like that.

anyway..the lecturer, Miss Z, as i call her, taught me breathing exercises, relaxation technique, prescribed me hot baths and some supplements, helped me through some desensitization exercises..etc..etc.. which had succesfully ease my way through the exam. she was my saviour indeed. i was well in the subsequent years, having less and less attack along the way...... until that day. i was about to have my end posting long case exam, and i was freaking out. that morning, i was pacing to and fro in my room, i can't swallow a thing, even breathing seem to require tremendous effort. i recognized the symptoms all to well, but nothing i did could prevail. i was in total mess.

but it seem like God loves me a lot still, as i was walking towards the ward that day, i managed to calm down and gather myself up. and i know luck was in my way as i walked to my patient's bed, when i saw the glowing eyes of my patient. i knew the case. i knew the patient . Thank God. and i think the exam went pretty well as well. i couldn't thank Him enough.

so here's me right now praying i'd have enough guts to face this exam with me and my senses in one piece. =)