The Purple Sky

its a fibroid. small one. and she's discharged today. pheww. she might have to undergo a surgery later. truth is..i'm glad its nothing sinister. i went to sleep last night with thousand and one things flowing through my mind-- its almost crazy.

i told her today--"don't do this to me again. anything happens, you must tell me. yess i'll be worried, but its my job to be worried abt u, u're my umi. that, or i'll go crazy thinking of possible things that could happen to you." -sigh-

again, i wish i could go back right now jugak.

can't wait for xm to pass. cepatla hari jumaat!

umi called just now.

we talked.

its only after a while that she said;

'sorila umi tak habaq ni awal2 kat *isleasy*. umi bukan takmau bagitau, takdak apa2 pun ni. tp umi lani kat hospital. umi kne admit.'

gedegang! - jantung aku gugur-

it turns out that she had been admitted for the last 2 days, due to menorrhagia, but did not tell me, and warned everyone else not to tell me just because i'll be having my xm in the next few days. she doesn't want me to be worried.

i was furious! and of course worried! and taktau la.. i felt numb. i know her intentions are good, tapi... -sigh-

bile aku tanye umi ok ke? --she said 'yess' ..
umi bleeding byk ke.? --umi kata 'takdala byk pun..haritu *isleasy* balik umi dah ada period. lani ada lagi.'
uishh...[lama tu..] umi ada SOB tak? --umi cakap 'umi ok....jgn la risauu..umi takdak apa2..'
-aku diam-
betul ke umi ok? umi ada rase apa2 lain tak? -- umi jawab 'betul ni, umi ok.'

so i rest my case. at least in front of her.

then i called adik at home. then truth came out. she actually had been bleeding so profusely at home that she had to change pads once in abt ten minutes. getting worse since last week. i gawped. masyaAllah. byk tu.

and then there's another thing. okay..i don't really have much gynaecological knowledge per se at the moment, (i haven't done my gynae posting..i practically know almost nil) but i seriously smell something amiss. umi's post menopausal (currently on HRT). and per vaginal bleeding in post menopausal women is definitely not a good sign! so i went through all my books looking for some signs and clues and what i found was totally beyond me... *slap..slap my face!* i won't even try to go there.

maybe i'm thinking too much. -sigh-

yess..i guess that's it. i'm just thinking too much.

i need to find out more.

i pray nothing is wrong with umi. i pray that Allah would keep her healthy. i pray for her to be discharged soon.

i wish i could fly home and sleep with her tonight.

owh and did i mention? yesterday, (24th) was my birthday.

Sit at my desk. Stare at the words-filled page. Read few sentences. Read whole paragraph. Nothing make sense. Repeat reading.

*stress heightened*

Takpe2. Cube lagi. Open new page. Take few deep breaths and with bismillahirahmanirrahim I start again. No avail.

Serangga kecik ala2 lalat buah terbang2 atas buku. Splaat! Serangga kecik penyet atas buku. *wicked grin...*

Buang serangga kecik. Stare at book again. Hmpf. Close book. Start browsing net.

-20 minutes-

Isyk, takleh jadik nih. Open book again. Try mind exercise. *I can do this! I can do this! Few more pages to go! Sikiiitt…je lagi! Ya Allah let me do this!* Stare at the words harder. Scrutinize every sentences. Word-by word. Until end of paragraph. Okeh. Now, reflect. What did I read just now?

*world halt in a standstill*

-sigh- Adoilaa.. I read, but unable to absorb. Slouch on chair. Duduk diam2. Just when I need to read quickly, cover more, this has to happen. I need to retreat.

Walk out to the hall, my pillow with me, lie in front of tv, and zzzz.. 30 minutes. Wake up. *gosok2 mata* Fresh, yess? Start again, yess? 5 minutes- basuh muka and a glass of water and I’m back on my desk.

Whole process starts again. This time manage to make sense of few sentences. Tp too little to make any difference. Hmmm…...

Flip through my book. Macamana nih? Urut2 kepala. Sambil tenyeh sikit2. [How’re u doing today dear brain.? Kurang sihat kah? Anything I can do to make u ok?]

*silent*

waaa…what am I expecting.? waaaaaa.......….




p/s: still at the same state at the time this is written.
(15.55, 22nd Apr 2007. Microsoft word)
p/s (p/s) : Happy Earth Day

dapat link ke ad cum community msg ni dari blog tuan tanah. tak pernah terlintas yang lagi byk CO2 dihasilkan semasa seseorg bercakap. =(

~nampaknya org2 bisu contribute very little to global warming. how cool.





and aaahh..just finished watching 'kalis cinta' tadi. bwhahaha.. aku nobat drama tu sbg yg plg best aku penah tgk so far..ade unsur2 drama korea campur unsur2 drama latin campur unsur2 drama melayu yg pekat.

saya sebagai penasihat kanan firma keempat terbesar di malaysia mengatakan drama ini sgt best!

Your Birthdate: April 24

You understand people well and are a natural born therapist. A peacemaker, people always seem to get along when you are around. You tend to be a father or mother figure to friends, even to those older than you. You enjoy your role, and you find that you are close to many people. Your strength: Your devotion Your weakness: Reliance on others for happiness Your power color: Lilac Your power symbol: Heart Your power month: June

Is this a polite way to say yg aku suke membebel..?? huahuahua..
Anyways, part yg 'my weakness' tu adalah so very true..hadooilaaa..

Haiiyoh..been so lazy to put up any post lately. My laziness is everywhere. Its overwhelming. Its intoxicating. Haiihh..nyah kauu..! *tepis2 raser malas keluar tingkap*
Here are the highlight of whatever and whatever, be it important or not.


1. Just realized that a night bus trip to Taiping from Seremban takes only 3hours plus++( it normally took me 6 hours)

2. I've seen deaths many times, but the first time i saw a man lying lifeless on the street in a pool of blood, my soul creeps me.

3. So much as i hate prolonged bus rides, nothing beats the joy of seeing the faces i love most at the end of the journey.

4. Do flies really hates the smell of clorox bleach? Someone should do a study on this! (we had flies rampage for 2 days straight, but when umi decided to soak clorox all over her kitchen, the flies disappeared in a snap!)

5. AF5 is..err..really, they're..mmm..nevermind.

6. It is actually okay to put a stop to friendship with people who are toxic.

7. Taiping now has pc fair? wallaaaa..

8. Yin has been found? yeay! But to think that he's fine all along when the whole nation went into a wild goose search, just because the couple who found him did not have tv or read papers. hmm.. Tu kat KL tuh.. Imagine the people living in Ulu Tembeling? Gua Musang? Is it really necesssary to have fast train build when there are other things to be done? (no offence to 'Ulu Tembelingians' n 'Gua Musangians'..)

9. Dear you, going out to celebrate ur birthday with a group of friends does not mean i'm giving u a green light for anything at all. I'm just done running away. I'm trying to 'be normal friends' for once. Okay? (Allah knows what courage i have to summon to drag my feet there. So be thankful)



p/s; i am sooooo in need of ice creams now...

Talk about ice cream.

Lately I’ve been having morbid cravings for ice creams.
Like when I’m watching tv I can feel chocolate ice creams with strawberry syrup toppings melting in my mouth.
When I sleep I dreamt of ice cream..
When I wake up in the morning (instead of baca doa bgn tido) the first thought that came to me was; I wish for a scoop of ice cream in my mouth r.i.g.h.t n.o.w.
Screw breakfast.

It’s morbid, I know.

If I’m destined to have kids one day (insyaAllah I would), I would definitely make sure they’re strapped nicely at the backseat when I’m driving. I don’t mind having them waving or smiling at people in the neighbouring cars (I myself did that when I was smaller, makes me think I’m popular =P)..,, but I do mind if they did it with their heads and arms stucking out of the open window! Noooo.....

Remember when I wrote abt me being so forgetful/keep losing my things?

Remember the part when I told the number of my lost handphones is known laughing stock among my friends?

As I was having my cp in the ward earlier this morning, jenn scourned when she saw the new oxford handbook glowing in my pocket.

‘New book?’

Nodding
‘Lost the old one at miri.’

‘Is there anything that u never lost?’

*pause*
5 seconds. Really. It took me that long to remember the things I never lost.
‘Ahh..I never lost this. And this. Pointing at my stethoscope and my scribble books. Misplaced them, but never got lost.’*Smiling sheepishly* As if a sense of accomplishment.

‘Only those 2? OMG u ni..i dunno la.. and gave me the isyk2 apa nak jadik look.

I can only smile again.

Its not that I love losing my things. I just l.o.s.t them. Cth besar: my phones. I’m currently using my ninth. (yep, ninth. And stop saying OMG) Bought the first 2 second hand - both broke down due to old age. 3 got stolen. Misplaced/lost the other 3. My last was involved in an accident i.e my 2 year old cousin spilled soy bean milk on it.-the screen went blank. All of them went into ‘the things I’ve lost’ list. Same feeling of ‘apa nak jadi ngan aku nih’, same numbing effect everytime it happens. Tried changing my habits, tried reminding myself more, but it keeps on happening to me, no matter how hard I tried avoiding it. I’m not proud, I’m actually tired sbnrnya. But losing my things is just something that keeps on happening to me.

Guess its just the parcel of being..,, me.

He obtained 3rd grade for SPM.
In other words, he screwed the exam. Dengan jayanya.

He had to work in petrol kiosk to make ends meet.
He's ashamed of himself... and felt looked down upon.
But hell no. Failing once is no reason to fail forever.

He enrolled to a local university college, worked hard, obtained a bachelor degree, and later got accepted to study doctorate in Leeds University. In 2005, he became the first Malaysian to present his studies (about nano and micro-machine process - God knows what these things are) to the Members of Parliaments (MPs). The research won the Best Research of a Good Prospect award.

But success does not just fall onto his laps. He earned it with his ATPs and brain cells. Going for classes in the mornings, working during lunch hour, classes again in the evening, sleeps only for 2-3 hours daily..

To think that it all started with a failure. Gred 3 ok! Seriously, this person humbles me.