Random thoughts. Mixed emotions. Too lazy to write. Tengok gambar ajelah eh?
Colourful fishes... - Pic taken at the famous and also my favourite lepak spot; Pasar Satok
What on earth is a hand blower? When I asked the apek, (the shop owner) he just flashed me a very cheeky smile. Dunno what he meant by that, haha.. - Pic taken at some antique shop along Gambier Street
RCBM Hospital..I wish to be posted there again.. (I can still recall that very err.. 'unique' ikan kukus I ate one on call night. On a very rare occasion that I displayed fondness towards Sarawak food - I finished 3 plates of rice! Nyaman gilak! ngehngeh..)
Best Bornoe adventure! - kayaking in Sungai Sarawak. Lalalala...the water brushes my skin.. the birds are chirping in the wind...
Colourful...!!! - the ever famous Kek Lapis Sarawak and my two models as background. Ada sesapa nak order kek lapis for Raya?
Hyperactive lot..ahaks. and they call themselves working professionals aka doctors - IMU should be a bit worried here, don't they? - Pic taken at Sarawak Cultural Village
Weekend escape. A touch of nature.. - Pic taken at Ranchan waterfalls.
An initially total stranger. Cute to strike a pose when I pointed my lens. Then strangers we are no more - Albert is the name.
Best spot to view sunset in Kuching. Here is Kuching Waterfront. - Pic taken from level 9 Medan Pelita aka outside Starcineplex.
My backyard. The smell of freshly cut grass - Ilike..!!
14 days to go to the end of Ramadhan. I seriously miss home.. *sigh*
I arrived home today to find these cute little fairies...yeay! operation *sustaining* LIFE , phase one – sukses!!
mood : slightly euphoric. wonder why.
if u don't like something, just try to accept it.
if u just can't take it - try to change it slowly.
if u don't like something and u can't change it, accept it and learn to appreciate it from another angle - u might find that its not too bad after all.
if u reaaaally don't like it (at all) and simply can't do anything about it (like most things are) - just ... stay away and let it be.
i just learn this a few days ago.
yesterday:
me and wani in the car - both of us were *lost* trying to find our ways to Fort Margherita. suddenly;
me : wani! 2 org lelaki hensem didalam kereta didepan!
wani : mana!!??
me : tu!
both : ugh!! jom ikut..!! sekarang!
wani (even actually pressing the gas pedal..!)
...the air of desperation is getting a little morbid these days...
people say u can go to places to meet new people. irk..pegi mane eh? the only place i go where i find lots of people everyday is hospital. pathetic kan? huhu..
P/s: don't ask why are we in a car on a Tuesday evening trying to get to Fort Margherita..
It already late, I haven't packed a single thing, and I'm supposed to be off to RCBM tomorrow morning.
To tell the truth, this is the first ever posting that even though I'm already 3 weeks through, I'm still feeling very2 lost. And clueless. And nervous.
God, give me more strength. And wisdom.
Grow and live healthy dear plant
I love sappy movies. I just do. I know they're not good for my health - you know.. being single and all.. but once in a while they just made me feel like.. well - there's still hope. *ahaks*
I watched P/s: I love you almost a year ago (I know. I'm sooo outdated) and I thought it was the sweetest movie ever. I cried until I got dehydrated. Nonstop. Throughout the movie. (not that its surprising, for those who know me) Anyway, I just bumped into this one really great, super sweet movie a few days back - its called 'The Notebook'. Super sweet. Read the synopsis here (malas nak tulis sendiri)
Few years back before I entered med school, I once stumbled upon an old couple - probably in their 60s or 70s, sitting on a bench by a pool covered with lillies - holding hands. No conversation. Just gestures. It was a grand sight that I'd definitely remember forever. It was sweet.
*sigh*
*sigh*
Today has been a very rare experience for me. As I walked pass the hospital entrance, and the afternoon sun bathed my skin, I felt – wow, this is bliss – and its just 1.30pm. For the first time ever in my life, I had pm off after a horrendous on call night.
I don’t know. I’ve been through times where I had to stay back late even on post call days. Late as in 8-9pm the next day and going home totally bunked at the point that dinner felt too troublesome and time consuming despite my screaming tummy and it doesn’t matter whether i’ve taken off my socks or not, let alone change my working clothes – that as soon as I reached home my only goal would be nothing but bed, bed, bed. Then waking up the next day feeling as if I’ve been rammed by a car and sustain severe brain concussion, or been shot in the head and had major intracranial bleed or one of my limb is suddenly missing or suddenly turned paraplegic that I can’t move anywhere and had to just confine myself to bed. Regardless, to work I still must go. How traumatizing.
So what i’m trying to say is, thank you. Whoever who created the system as it currently is, I give u my deepest gratitude. Thank You. Thank You. Thank You. I will try my best to adjust to this blissful posting. Ngehngeh..
P/s : Maybe this posting is not too bad after all, heheh..
These are some pictures taken during SureHeboh last weekend. People. Yep. Lots of people I saw.
Mereka-mereka yang memerhati..
Mereka-mereka yang memberontak
Mereka-mereka yang ditinggalkan
fisrt they say they're going to make us go for more calls in a month.
fine.
then they say they want to extend more houseman for not being competent enough.
fine.
then they freeze our cuti due to the H1N1 outbreak.
ok. now thats kesian for those yg dah beli tiket balik rumah.
then they finally had to add up - nak kurangkan cuti tahunan ke 25 days a year. only.
now thats too much.
kenape? org lain pun cuti 25-30 hari jugak setahun. tapi org lain ada all sorts of other eligibilities. kitorg ni, dahla takda cuti sakit, takda emergency leave, takda unpaid leave, kerja 7 hari seminggu, 365 hari setahun. public holiday means kena pergi kerja jugak sekerat hari. kalau nak cuti pada public holiday, kitorg kne apply cuti - tolak 25 hari tu. kalau sakit, kne tolak cuti 25 hari tu jugak. kalau sakit yg berpanjangan lebih dari cuti yg ada, maknanya kne extend posting. and they speak about human rights.
i seriously don't feel like human here.
it was a FUNtastic trip, minus the part where my baby - i.e my new camera is involved.
the park - BAKO - or taman negara bako is located about 35 minutes drive from kuching. there, u'll arrive at a jetty where a 20 minutes boat ride will take u to the cape where the park is located. boat ride ok. so bagi aku yg jarang2 dapat berenggang kaki dgn tanah daratan - its quite natural that i'd be quite excited la kan. so throughout the whole boat ride my fingers were all busy snapping pictures nonstop - langit, bumi, pokok, pakcik motobot, (n buaya) - up to a point when i noticed my camera lens were coated with water drops - from the splashes of water. haaihhh..takut ok.
a normal human reflex would be to wipe off those water drops la kan, and thats what i did jugak - as careful as can be. *wipe*wipe*
however, what i noticed subsequently after (actually dah lama jugak baru perasan) was that my pictures all became hazy and blurry...mcm dalam alam kayangan gitu. see this;
wani dalam percutian kayangan..
for me who was not very familiar with the buttons and knobs on my new baby thought; - i must've accidentally changed or set the wrong settings somehow to cause just that.
i tried pressing here and there..tukar this and that..but whatever i did, the results still the same. depress gle. later that night, both me n wani came to a conclusion - since every other pathology has been ruled out - it couldn't be anything else but the lens.
alangkah sedih dan pilunye hati mengenangkan nasib diri dan baby..(mainly because my bako trip did not yield any nice pics, and secondly disebabkan umur baby yg masih muda - jaundice pun belum habis lagi..)
so today we made a trip to the hospital a.k.a photo shop where i first met baby.
brader kedai gamba: so apa jadi?
me: lens masuk air waktu naik bot
brader kedai gamba: waaaaa... ada byk ka masuk air? ada masuk body ka?
me: tak. cuma percik2 air aja. lens aja.
brader kedai gamba: mmmm.... bukak lens protector sambil *wipe*wipe* bende alah tu..
and owh. we'll be off to bako today. the unplanned, lets just dare it trip. so expect more stories (and pics) to come your way later.. chiao!
first outing. weekend. after work, and post call (after oncall) at the same time - thus the reason for the 'static photography' - (sitting on the ground while taking pics)
wani. u'll be seeing her a lot in this blog after this. mainly because when there are no other subjects, she's the only one lying around and available.. and the second reason is because she's free - sometimes even comes with extra free gift. 
peace!
"i'm starting to love the back of your head" - qouted from patch adam movie 
more free models. some kelantan guys lying around out of nowhere.
Lame
Depressing
Mono
Can’t thing of anything great to say about it right now. Basicly feeling depress on everyday basis. Wishing everyday that things could be different, life could be more enjoyable, more colourful, or at least more liveable.
I hate my life at the moment. Or should I put it; I hate my work, and since my work occupies 80% of my life, so I tend to hate my life as well as a result. I feel like I’m doing something soo..unfulfilling, but yet its taking up soo much of me..so taxing in every way possible.. and all that for things that I couldn’t really make out it’s meaning most of the time.
Yes,its rewarding at times. Seeing those people becoming well. Seeing those eyes who were initially sick and weary, lightened up as they get better. It does. Really. ( But here are those who never gets better though) Like the other day when I met my ex-patient who was delivered paraplegic due to intraspinal bleeding almost 8 months ago – all well, moving all her limbs- even if its not all that freely but hey, she’s sitting upright, and smiling cutely back at me. It almost brought me to tears. But then, there are those unrewarding times. Those tiring working hours. Those sickening yell by the bosses. Those many frustrating moments. Plus, I don’t like the person I’m turning into. I don’t like it when I started scrutinizing other people’s work. I don’t like when I started screaming at others when things didn’t work out the way it should. I don’t like it that I get frustrated easily. I get angry over all the small things. Its as if I’m slowly turning into one of them. I wasn’t that mean before. I’m just not that kind of person before. But I am becoming one now. And I hate it.
I came across an article the other day in the newspaper. (actually wani gave it to me) it was in the star last Saturday. It basicly highlighted - the way to feel freedom in life is to appreciate its beauty in every aspect. To learn to appreciate the hard times. To love the silver linings. To take the bottom moments as a learning process and accept all that come with open heart and cherish all the good moments. – because life can only be perfect when it has all the components (good, not so good, in the drain, pretty up there, and etc2 moments) in good balance. That’s how human evolve anyway.
But then again. What about hope? Is it wrong to dream about having a better life? Wishing for a more fulfilling everyday chores. Doing something because I want to do it, and I like doing it, not because I’m already here and this what I meant to do everyday – so that’s why I’m doing it. Because I had to.
So now I’m here. Motivating myself on daily basis. Trying to find joy in the simplest things in life – like seeing the blue morning sky, looking at the beautiful moon at night, eating ice creams before going to sleep and the list goes on.. Meaningless as it may be to some, but those are the things that never fail to trigger these happy cells in me all the time - thus made next day much more bearable to go through. Even just a little bit.
So that’s how it is. Still adjusting. Still searching for some meaning. And clue. And hope. And joy. But most of all meaning. M.E.A.N.I.N.G. Life should be meaningful. That’s what I believe. I may not get everything I want in life. But at least I want my life to have some meaning. That’s all.
