The Purple Sky

Surprise Mail

2011-01-12T06:56:00.006+08:00

The little gesture that tickles my heart away on a random Monday evening..

I got these mailed to me when I told someone I vomited on my patient - (I know..*sigh*) and my staff nurse (who did not bring any change of clothing...*another big sigh*) on my last medivac (helicopter patient transfer) trip to Sibu

Did I mention that the patient was a 26 days old baby? (thousands apologies dear sweet angel..)

Surely not a very proud day for me

Nevertheless - who would thought an air sickness bag and a strip of anti-emetic would make my day?

p/s: Where's my Hard Rock Cafe shirt..??! =P

The short break

2011-01-09T16:21:00.004+08:00

It has been a long (but short) weekend with turmoils of emotion

Been in Bintulu
Met old friends
New people

Happy
Confused
Happy again

A bad habit of mine - I listened (and cared about) what (other) people think too much. It basicly affect my actions a lot. Somehow I find that I'm not exactly that happy. (who wouldn't?) So I started doing things the way I want/believe it should be done. Putting less thought to what others think. But things always take a wrong turn around me.. So now I'm having doubts - what if I've been looking for all the wrong things?

However..- above all, a great weekend it has been. =)

P/s: Tak sabar nak tgk AJL malam nie!

Lost again?

2011-01-07T10:50:00.004+08:00

Why is it that when I finally arrived here, I feel like I don't belong here at all - and all I could think about is finding a way to flee.....

I thought it should bring me peace..That I'll feel at home..Like I've found something that I've always been looking for - but I didn't.

I feel miserable.
Like I'm walking through mud, waist high, heading no where.
I don't feel joy.

I'm getting more and more confused. What do I want really..??? Gaarrrrrrrghhhhhhhh....!!!!

Its New Year Again..!!! =)

2010-12-31T19:48:00.007+08:00

Had sudden pang of longing to blog.

I'm oncall tonight.

And yes I'm blogging from the oncall room.

No weird case so far.

The only sub-weird incident was when our recently moved in Myanmarian ObGyn Specialist suddenly popped up out of nowhere with a wide grin on her face saying - 'I need to buy a mattress.' rofLoL

Anyways,

Hopeful for a peaceful night! *fingers crossed*

And its The New Year Eve too!!

So here's me ~~wishing everyone a Happy Gleeful New Year~~

Hip Hip Hooooray!!!

p/s: Didn't 2010 passes by too quickly..??

=))

2010-05-04T14:01:00.001+08:00

Perlu study!

How To Train Your Dragon

2010-04-19T22:37:00.007+08:00

I have never had so much fun watching a movie in a loooooong time.

UNTIL TODAY.

I watched this.

Its about finding yourself, finding your worth, beautiful friendship, family, grave adventure and most of all - crazy cuteness. Thats right. Toothless the dragon couldn't be any cuter.

My favourite scene - during the aftermath, when Hiccup finds out that he's on a prosthetic limb and was struggling to walk, toothless came to aid and helped him walk. *sigh* Truly major awesome movie.

Go watch and find out.

P/s: But I have to warn that some fighting scenes might be tad a bit violent for smaller kids =))

sigh

2010-04-09T19:52:00.003+08:00

8.00pm.

Butt-heavy, limb-wailingly lazy.

Tp masih perlu bersiap utk pergi kerja.

*sigh*

Something sweet

2010-04-08T20:44:00.003+08:00

Longing for something sweet in life...

Somehow felt that I might not even find it, ever.

Leftover Breakfast

2010-04-05T10:10:00.004+08:00

Ingredients (all the things I found in my fridge)

1) 4 slices of old bread - already past its shelf life, but still mould-free (at least from my naked eye)
2) Leftover sardines
3) Leftover hard boiled egg
4) Coleslaw mayonnaise (I can't find real mayonnaise!)
5) A slice of cheese
6) Margarine

How to make it

Splat margarine over breads lavishly. Fry on dry pan (no oil). Break egg. Chop to small pieces. Add coleslaw mayonnaise and mix well. Spread eggs over fried bread. --> tadaa.. Roti goreng telur rebus. Reheat sardines. Splat over fried bread. Add a slice of cheese on top. Fry bread again to melt the cheese, then tadaa..Homemade roti sardin cheese. Cewah!

Another good point of A&E posting, real breakfast at home! =) (albeit leftover) Not the usual meal on wheel (makan sambil driving) =P

Ehem.. screams " I DON'T NEED THIS..!!"

2010-04-04T00:02:00.002+08:00

The last time I was in KL - I accidentally bought a few things.

Well okay, maybe FEW is an understatement.

Some of my self defence monologue ~

"I definitely can't find this in Kch, so better buy lah.."

"Oh this one is very cheap, won't hurt if just take one..(or two),,"

"Oh that one would definitely look nice with that green tudung I have back at home, definitely will regret later if didn't buy this now.."

"Beli sajalah,,its not like I come down here all the time anyway.."

yadda..yaddaa..and the voice kept going on..

So much for not planning to buy anything.

The killer watch I saw in Sogo

I honestly blame all the shops. All the pretty displays and hunkie shop helpers seducing you left right center..I mean, who do they think they are..? Tricking innocent civilliant like me into spending my so-called savings non-sensibly..goshh......

Come April.. I'm starting a new mission -

Celebecy.

- From shopping, that is. Total spree-free for the next 4 months. Yeah. For real. Pray that my self restraint is going to last. =))

So my new motto for the next four months would be - I DON'T NEED THIS!

~I need to remind myself these as I'm going to be off-tag by tomorrow..ahaks!

New!

2010-04-02T04:08:00.006+08:00

3 days in the new posting and counting...

haiihh..tangging at the start of every posting is always very2 tiring..

kerja 8am-10pm daily

new bosses to please..

new environment (and people) to adapt to..

on my feet at all times - listening to people complaining about their problems (and all the weird ones!) while i'm having fever and flu and sore throat myself.. gargghh..

but.

above all i'm actually very2 happy that I've finally left medical posting, *yeah baby!!* - let A&E be a start of a new challenge.. =))

p/s: Tmrw's Good Friday - kenapelah aku kena tagging on public holidays jugakkk...??!!

Home

2010-03-31T22:33:00.006+08:00

Ironic.
I saw them kids cycling together while holding hands - three bikes altogether across a road
I thought - yeah, lets snap a pic and put this in my blog under the title "dangerous driving"
Then suddenly the middle bike skidded - sending the cyclist flat on his tummy.
So I get this instead -->

I was back at home for the past 6 days.
Hadn't been home for quite some time, it felt good to be home after a hiatus of absence.
It felt warm.
Umi-walid-atiqah-the house... Everything.
And for the first time ever, I actually thought - why not come back?
Okay, this had never happened before.. I've always planned to come back some day. 'Back' as in Ipoh, maybe Penang.... just not Taiping (don't ask me why)
It just never crossed my mind.

But suddenly I came to think - why not? What's holding me back? My parents aren't getting younger, and I think Ive been away from home far-too-long.
I may even have forgotten how my neighbours looks like.
And Taiping is such a nice town what...
It may not be so hip and happening but..its cozy enough.

So yeah, why not?

So I told umi - just be patient with me - another 2 more years - 2 years.. then I'll definitely come home (and live under umi's armpit, lalala~)

Poco-poco? Naaahh...

2010-03-21T23:46:00.009+08:00

Hahaa..
Tis.. the Ngajat Dance - by the Ibanese community.
Took these pics during my trip to an Iban Longhouse in Kapit
Community service during daytime - Rumba party at night time, ahaks! *just joking*
The longhousers warmly performed Ngajat and Poco-poco dance for us - (poco-poco, no kidding)
Btw, the one on the left is not an Iban, he's a fellow collegue.

Its a dance by the warriors before going to and after coming back from war
Just use your imagination and add some fancy warrior clothes, and he'll turn to this -

She can't lie flat but she's still smiling!!

2010-03-21T05:56:00.004+08:00

I have a patient in my current ward. She's relatively young - only 49 years old. She has severe mitral valve prolapse which has been there for god ages - thus in due years she had developed heart failure. Having this would mean that she needs a surgery to repair the broken valve.

Surgery has been planned for her many times but for some very obvious reasons they cant proceed with it.

See, this lady also has polycystic kidney disease, which had caused her kidney to fail as well. Patients with adult polycystic kidney disease usually have cysts developing in other parts of the body as well, over the liver (liver cyst) and brain (berry aneurysm)namely. Her liver has large cysts growing over major parts of it but miracle-ly its function is still good, but the existance of any growing cysts in her brain is unknown.

In order to find out a CT scan should be done - CT angiogram to be exact, but in her case, CT is impossible. Firstly because of the angiogram contrast (fail kidney may not tolerate contrasts)- but also because she can't lie flat! (due to the fluid overload and the failing heart!). She cant lie at all, not even for 5 seconds, let alone for 15 minutes!! Everytime we tried to put her on a semi prone position she would be breathless, coughing non-stop.

And to undergo a valve repair would mean that she needs to be on anticoagulant post-op, so as to prevent clots after the surgery, but if she happens to secretly harbours an aneurysm up there, it will just be like a time bomb waiting to explode! The aneurysm might just bleed and bleed until she dies.

Plus, surgery is almost impossible unless surgeons are able to do surgery with the patient sitting up. Her probable option now is to undergo dialysis - but that also might not be able to solve her problems since her heart is already so weak.

The last time i asked her, she said (with a smiling face)- "Apa boleh buat? Balik rumah sajalah, hidup happy2 1-2 tahun then pergilah"

*sigh* - some people find courage to smile at times we can't

This is from Peter Bong's wedding that took place last week.

It was my first time attending a non- Malay wedding, I had to be honest that I was a bit scared initially because I had to enter a church, but apparently it was an exciting experience - especially this one!

When the bride tossed the bouquet out, most of us singles who were standing there quickly went behind the many flowers posts to hide - I don't know whether we still wanted to be single or it was just plain reflex! =))

Hi there, how are you?

2010-03-06T18:26:00.008+08:00

I wonder
why the thing that you needed most usually failed you at a very-very-VERY crucial time?

Like when it finally rained on a dry season you realized that your umbrella was actually left in the other bag - the day you decided to switch handbag after wearing the same one for a year? (this actually happened before..)

Very frustrating isn't it?

Something like that happened to me today, except that my frustration involves Allan Wu and it was 50 degrees higher - level of frustration. Yep. THE Allan Wu.

He was in Kuching today - promoting The Amazing Race Asia 2010 audition. It was like a dream. He has always been one of my knights in shining armor..Well,I had plenty of these knights, and.. he was one of them. I stood there..watching him dreamily from afar.. until they announced a picture taking session -

OMG..really..?

I gathered all my courage, straighthen my t-shirt and tudung, walk towards the stage, had to fight with my palpitations and all.. then it was finally my turn.

I smiled at him. He smiled back. My heart was pounding - I stood next to him, he said

hi there, how are you?

I said great - (now that you're here~) I strike a pose when the guy I asked to snap our pic said - adik, camera tak boleh on lah.

I went- hah? So I fought with that week old cameraphone (on the stage) for almost 5 minutes in front of him and a whole bunch of crews before I gave up. It just wont budge! ##*&^$#*&& cameraphone $%#**!!!

He just stood there, smiling all the time saying its ok, take ur time..

So there it goes. My 5 minutes tale with Allan Wu. Maybe we were just not meant to be. I will always remember the 5 minutes we spent together in my lifetime..

pre call blues

2010-03-04T00:54:00.003+08:00

When I first started working, I had about 8-9 on calls per month --> more during festive seasons. There were times I had to go to work as early as 4.30am in the morning, went home at 9pm on post call days.. Life was hard but even then, I still managed. Not exactly enjoyable, but... okaylah. Getting up early in the morning was a major chore, though.

Currently, I had many opportunities to go work slightly late, punch card off duty at 5pm sharp, have only 3-4 on calls per month, but.........
going for oncall is still as depressing, and getting out of bed everyday is still a major chore.

Life just never gets easier.. *sigh*

GHOST

2010-02-28T18:10:00.005+08:00

I was cleaning the pictures i have in my lappy, when I found this -----

A GHOST

----roll with laughter----

can't really tell who it was (from this pic alone, haha..)

Too lazy to write

2009-09-06T15:43:00.017+08:00

Random thoughts. Mixed emotions. Too lazy to write. Tengok gambar ajelah eh?

Colourful fishes... - Pic taken at the famous and also my favourite lepak spot; Pasar Satok

What on earth is a hand blower? When I asked the apek, (the shop owner) he just flashed me a very cheeky smile. Dunno what he meant by that, haha.. - Pic taken at some antique shop along Gambier Street

RCBM Hospital..I wish to be posted there again.. (I can still recall that very err.. 'unique' ikan kukus I ate one on call night. On a very rare occasion that I displayed fondness towards Sarawak food - I finished 3 plates of rice! Nyaman gilak! ngehngeh..)

Best Bornoe adventure! - kayaking in Sungai Sarawak. Lalalala...the water brushes my skin.. the birds are chirping in the wind...

Colourful...!!! - the ever famous Kek Lapis Sarawak and my two models as background. Ada sesapa nak order kek lapis for Raya?

Hyperactive lot..ahaks. and they call themselves working professionals aka doctors - IMU should be a bit worried here, don't they? - Pic taken at Sarawak Cultural Village

Weekend escape. A touch of nature.. - Pic taken at Ranchan waterfalls.

An initially total stranger. Cute to strike a pose when I pointed my lens. Then strangers we are no more - Albert is the name.

Best spot to view sunset in Kuching. Here is Kuching Waterfront. - Pic taken from level 9 Medan Pelita aka outside Starcineplex.

My backyard. The smell of freshly cut grass - Ilike..!!

14 days to go to the end of Ramadhan. I seriously miss home.. *sigh*

Pink surprise

2009-08-21T06:41:00.003+08:00

I arrived home today to find these cute little fairies...yeay! operation *sustaining* LIFE , phase one – sukses!!

What happened today reminded me that I REALLY HAVE TO STUDY. Really. waaaaaaaaa........malasnyeeerr....

JUMP!

2009-08-19T05:29:00.006+08:00

mood : slightly euphoric. wonder why.

if u don't like something, just try to accept it.

if u just can't take it - try to change it slowly.

if u don't like something and u can't change it, accept it and learn to appreciate it from another angle - u might find that its not too bad after all.

if u reaaaally don't like it (at all) and simply can't do anything about it (like most things are) - just ... stay away and let it be.

i just learn this a few days ago.

yesterday:
me and wani in the car - both of us were *lost* trying to find our ways to Fort Margherita. suddenly;
me : wani! 2 org lelaki hensem didalam kereta didepan!
wani : mana!!??
me : tu!
both : ugh!! jom ikut..!! sekarang!
wani (even actually pressing the gas pedal..!)

...the air of desperation is getting a little morbid these days...

people say u can go to places to meet new people. irk..pegi mane eh? the only place i go where i find lots of people everyday is hospital. pathetic kan? huhu..

P/s: don't ask why are we in a car on a Tuesday evening trying to get to Fort Margherita..

Dark alleys

2009-08-12T23:19:00.012+08:00

A scene from Bako

It already late, I haven't packed a single thing, and I'm supposed to be off to RCBM tomorrow morning.

To tell the truth, this is the first ever posting that even though I'm already 3 weeks through, I'm still feeling very2 lost. And clueless. And nervous.

God, give me more strength. And wisdom.

Ramblings

2009-08-09T23:33:00.006+08:00

1. I don't know why but I'm getting sleepier and sleepier these days.

2. Having too many HOs in the ward does not mean work becomes more efficient. It just mean that there'll be more hands in the bowl and things just gets messier.

3. "I seriously need to find myself a boyfriend" mode is in the air lately - causing many series frustrations and bitter moods lately. Nevertheless in a few days' time I know I'll just be back to that old "I'm thankful that i'm still single" mode. So just chill, dear me.

4. The longer I'm in this profession, the angrier and shorter-tempered I became. Has my head gotten slightly bigger? Or is it just part of our normal developmental milestones? Maybe I should change profession before I develop hypertension and dies off at young age.

5. H1N1 is everywhere and I'm here working in a hospital and being vulnerable as ever but why am I not even feeling insecure?

6. Thinking of reasons as to why I'm being so judgemental towards other people. Wonder what others would testify for me if ever needed one.

7. I'm back to piling my laundries. Most bad habits does stand the test of time. They hardly change. Or improve.

8. I think our house seriously need a round of spring cleaning. I think my umi will get a heart attack if she ever steps into our house.

9. My 4th attempt to sustain life. I take it a trial of diciplining myself as well. 28 days of life together so far.. Can't wait to see its first bud.

Grow and live healthy dear plant

I want a notebook too..sigh

2009-07-30T00:29:00.005+08:00

I love sappy movies. I just do. I know they're not good for my health - you know.. being single and all.. but once in a while they just made me feel like.. well - there's still hope. *ahaks*

I watched P/s: I love you almost a year ago (I know. I'm sooo outdated) and I thought it was the sweetest movie ever. I cried until I got dehydrated. Nonstop. Throughout the movie. (not that its surprising, for those who know me) Anyway, I just bumped into this one really great, super sweet movie a few days back - its called 'The Notebook'. Super sweet. Read the synopsis here (malas nak tulis sendiri)

Few years back before I entered med school, I once stumbled upon an old couple - probably in their 60s or 70s, sitting on a bench by a pool covered with lillies - holding hands. No conversation. Just gestures. It was a grand sight that I'd definitely remember forever. It was sweet.

*sigh*

*sigh*

Ahoy!

2009-07-28T21:45:00.005+08:00

Today has been a very rare experience for me. As I walked pass the hospital entrance, and the afternoon sun bathed my skin, I felt – wow, this is bliss – and its just 1.30pm. For the first time ever in my life, I had pm off after a horrendous on call night.

I don’t know. I’ve been through times where I had to stay back late even on post call days. Late as in 8-9pm the next day and going home totally bunked at the point that dinner felt too troublesome and time consuming despite my screaming tummy and it doesn’t matter whether i’ve taken off my socks or not, let alone change my working clothes – that as soon as I reached home my only goal would be nothing but bed, bed, bed. Then waking up the next day feeling as if I’ve been rammed by a car and sustain severe brain concussion, or been shot in the head and had major intracranial bleed or one of my limb is suddenly missing or suddenly turned paraplegic that I can’t move anywhere and had to just confine myself to bed. Regardless, to work I still must go. How traumatizing.

So what i’m trying to say is, thank you. Whoever who created the system as it currently is, I give u my deepest gratitude. Thank You. Thank You. Thank You. I will try my best to adjust to this blissful posting. Ngehngeh..

P/s : Maybe this posting is not too bad after all, heheh..

These are some pictures taken during SureHeboh last weekend. People. Yep. Lots of people I saw.

Mereka-mereka yg diperhatikan..

Mereka-mereka yang memerhati..

Mereka-mereka yang memberontak

Mereka-mereka yg mengikut peredaran zaman

Mereka-mereka yang ditinggalkan

Sebijik bola mata yg merenung

they have to take away everything.

2009-05-22T05:46:00.003+08:00

fisrt they say they're going to make us go for more calls in a month.

fine.

then they say they want to extend more houseman for not being competent enough.

fine.

then they freeze our cuti due to the H1N1 outbreak.

ok. now thats kesian for those yg dah beli tiket balik rumah.

then they finally had to add up - nak kurangkan cuti tahunan ke 25 days a year. only.

now thats too much.

kenape? org lain pun cuti 25-30 hari jugak setahun. tapi org lain ada all sorts of other eligibilities. kitorg ni, dahla takda cuti sakit, takda emergency leave, takda unpaid leave, kerja 7 hari seminggu, 365 hari setahun. public holiday means kena pergi kerja jugak sekerat hari. kalau nak cuti pada public holiday, kitorg kne apply cuti - tolak 25 hari tu. kalau sakit, kne tolak cuti 25 hari tu jugak. kalau sakit yg berpanjangan lebih dari cuti yg ada, maknanya kne extend posting. and they speak about human rights.

i seriously don't feel like human here.

"kayangan"

2009-05-19T18:45:00.003+08:00

yeay. 2 days break and i'm back from BAKO.

it was a FUNtastic trip, minus the part where my baby - i.e my new camera is involved.

the park - BAKO - or taman negara bako is located about 35 minutes drive from kuching. there, u'll arrive at a jetty where a 20 minutes boat ride will take u to the cape where the park is located. boat ride ok. so bagi aku yg jarang2 dapat berenggang kaki dgn tanah daratan - its quite natural that i'd be quite excited la kan. so throughout the whole boat ride my fingers were all busy snapping pictures nonstop - langit, bumi, pokok, pakcik motobot, (n buaya) - up to a point when i noticed my camera lens were coated with water drops - from the splashes of water. haaihhh..takut ok.

a normal human reflex would be to wipe off those water drops la kan, and thats what i did jugak - as careful as can be. *wipe*wipe*

however, what i noticed subsequently after (actually dah lama jugak baru perasan) was that my pictures all became hazy and blurry...mcm dalam alam kayangan gitu. see this;

wani dalam percutian kayangan..

for me who was not very familiar with the buttons and knobs on my new baby thought; - i must've accidentally changed or set the wrong settings somehow to cause just that.

i tried pressing here and there..tukar this and that..but whatever i did, the results still the same. depress gle. later that night, both me n wani came to a conclusion - since every other pathology has been ruled out - it couldn't be anything else but the lens.

alangkah sedih dan pilunye hati mengenangkan nasib diri dan baby..(mainly because my bako trip did not yield any nice pics, and secondly disebabkan umur baby yg masih muda - jaundice pun belum habis lagi..)

so today we made a trip to the hospital a.k.a photo shop where i first met baby.

brader kedai gamba: so apa jadi?
me: lens masuk air waktu naik bot
brader kedai gamba: waaaaa... ada byk ka masuk air? ada masuk body ka?
me: tak. cuma percik2 air aja. lens aja.
brader kedai gamba: mmmm.... bukak lens protector sambil *wipe*wipe* bende alah tu..

(maser tu aku dah nak tepuk dahi dah..sbb: )

A. aku lupe yg aku letak lens protector time beli haritu.

B. penat je aku wipe protector tu dgn penuh hati-hati thinking it was the lens that i was wiping - takut rosakkan lens or something.. and had i remembered that i had a lens protector all along, mestilah aku akan lap dgn sungguh2 sampai kilat. which was what brader tu buat and within 30 seconds gambar blurry dan hazy hilang dan wani pun balik daripada alam kayangan dalam sekelip mata.

cet.

teraser tebal muke sekejap. *malu*

BAKO. here i come!

2009-05-17T12:01:00.003+08:00

and owh. we'll be off to bako today. the unplanned, lets just dare it trip. so expect more stories (and pics) to come your way later.. chiao!

hajimete yo!

2009-05-17T09:43:00.013+08:00

first outing. weekend. after work, and post call (after oncall) at the same time - thus the reason for the 'static photography' - (sitting on the ground while taking pics)

wani. u'll be seeing her a lot in this blog after this. mainly because when there are no other subjects, she's the only one lying around and available.. and the second reason is because she's free - sometimes even comes with extra free gift.

peace!

"i'm starting to love the back of your head" - qouted from patch adam movie

more free models. some kelantan guys lying around out of nowhere.

the next is a 25 SX post. feel free to click the exit button if u find this post disturbing.

case 1

a 79 year old man came in with penile swelling since 2/52 ago. no systemic manifestations except for pain during micturition. all infective screening came back negative. aspiration of the swelling yeilds nothing. ultrasound scan suggested abscess or haematoma formation. so the poor guy was posted for I&D (incision and drainage). what they found during the procedure was a stone impacted in the urethra. - sized of a chicken drumstick. eeeuuuw...... and guess what - the urethra was intact.

case 2

a middle aged guy came to the A&E. he was watching SOME movies at home when he decided to do something outrageous - he stuffed his penis with; ...................................................................drumrolls................................................................ a cucumber. a full-fledged cucumber, fresh and not cutted. *sigh* must be some movie he was watching.

Life as it is now

2009-05-09T01:22:00.000+08:00

Lame

Depressing

Mono

Can’t thing of anything great to say about it right now. Basicly feeling depress on everyday basis. Wishing everyday that things could be different, life could be more enjoyable, more colourful, or at least more liveable.

I hate my life at the moment. Or should I put it; I hate my work, and since my work occupies 80% of my life, so I tend to hate my life as well as a result. I feel like I’m doing something soo..unfulfilling, but yet its taking up soo much of me..so taxing in every way possible.. and all that for things that I couldn’t really make out it’s meaning most of the time.

Yes,its rewarding at times. Seeing those people becoming well. Seeing those eyes who were initially sick and weary, lightened up as they get better. It does. Really. ( But here are those who never gets better though) Like the other day when I met my ex-patient who was delivered paraplegic due to intraspinal bleeding almost 8 months ago – all well, moving all her limbs- even if its not all that freely but hey, she’s sitting upright, and smiling cutely back at me. It almost brought me to tears. But then, there are those unrewarding times. Those tiring working hours. Those sickening yell by the bosses. Those many frustrating moments. Plus, I don’t like the person I’m turning into. I don’t like it when I started scrutinizing other people’s work. I don’t like when I started screaming at others when things didn’t work out the way it should. I don’t like it that I get frustrated easily. I get angry over all the small things. Its as if I’m slowly turning into one of them. I wasn’t that mean before. I’m just not that kind of person before. But I am becoming one now. And I hate it.

I came across an article the other day in the newspaper. (actually wani gave it to me) it was in the star last Saturday. It basicly highlighted - the way to feel freedom in life is to appreciate its beauty in every aspect. To learn to appreciate the hard times. To love the silver linings. To take the bottom moments as a learning process and accept all that come with open heart and cherish all the good moments. – because life can only be perfect when it has all the components (good, not so good, in the drain, pretty up there, and etc2 moments) in good balance. That’s how human evolve anyway.

But then again. What about hope? Is it wrong to dream about having a better life? Wishing for a more fulfilling everyday chores. Doing something because I want to do it, and I like doing it, not because I’m already here and this what I meant to do everyday – so that’s why I’m doing it. Because I had to.

So now I’m here. Motivating myself on daily basis. Trying to find joy in the simplest things in life – like seeing the blue morning sky, looking at the beautiful moon at night, eating ice creams before going to sleep and the list goes on.. Meaningless as it may be to some, but those are the things that never fail to trigger these happy cells in me all the time - thus made next day much more bearable to go through. Even just a little bit.

So that’s how it is. Still adjusting. Still searching for some meaning. And clue. And hope. And joy. But most of all meaning. M.E.A.N.I.N.G. Life should be meaningful. That’s what I believe. I may not get everything I want in life. But at least I want my life to have some meaning. That’s all.

not quite my baby yet

2009-05-03T20:48:00.004+08:00

yeay!

i didn't forget my password!

i almost did actually. *sigh* its been centuries since my last post.

don't know where to begin with, so i think i'll just start with the newest and latest member of my life.

welcome, O new partner. she is now in Day 1 of life.

people greet new family member with warm smiles and cheerfulness.. i had the opposite. totally.

i think i even scares wani out of her wit yesterday.

i don't buy things on a spur of the moment, u see. i usually plan, scout around, ask opinions, probably do some googling in and out a couple 20- 30 times, scout around again, harrast probably three or more camera shops, meditate - before coming to such a big decision i.e what camera to buy. its a bonus if i dream of the exact thing in my sleep. but that didn't happen this time round.

i told wani - lets go look around for some dslr - she said yess - and one second we were trying a handful of dslrs and the next second we were already paying deposits for the thing. how scary. i didn't know what actually happened..,, it just happened. again, how scary.

so now i think i'll just give her (and me) a rest. let me absorb the fact first. hopefully i'll regain some senses and start snapping again i due time. hopefully.

meow!

2008-07-20T18:07:00.002+08:00

currently posting from the south - end of borneo *wink*

if i'm given a word to describe working life it'd be - stressfull..!!

haihh..mind me..this is just a post call syndrome.

right now - i'm too sleepy to think of anything to write up here..hopefully i coud come around to write more later.. so send ur prayers for me ok..? pray that i'll be a good and efficient doctor! =)

them kids

2008-05-24T16:49:00.001+08:00

my cousins and second cousins.. p/s: i'm my jadah's eldest grandaughter.

of induction course and cottons

2008-05-22T17:30:00.001+08:00

reality check - 2 days to go before convocation day. 4 days to go before i'll be off to melaka for my induction course. its seriously scaaaary i tell you. anyways, i'm motivating myself on daily basis to recuperate my already dampened spirits. most of my friends admitted to not have any revision done themselves during the break *silent relief*. dell reports the same - and currently she seems to be doing well. so i guess i'll be ok.

i hope i'll be ok. *sigh*

my long blissful holiday is ending very2 soon. welcome O miserable life.

after receiving my induction letter last week, umi suggested that we spend the weekend at jadah's (my grandma) house - because according to her, i may not be able to visit her as often anymore after i started working later.. i didn't say anything, but i guess she's right. so off we went to Penang for the weekend.

here's some new things i learnt while i was there this time round.

recognise this? it's cotton. fresh from the tree after being cleaned.

this the tree. ( i'm not sure wether this is the right term to use, so bear with me..)

and these are the ..err.. *buah kapas..* these are the mature ones - as seen here they've already fall onto the grounds. mature cottons are off-white. the ones freshly plucked from the tree branch will be as white as snow. *weee..*

some can just be found lying around like this.. during peak seasons, they'll cover the grounds with whites - just like snow. i'm serious!

to clean them - remove the so called kulit, the pulp and the seeds. dried them off under the sun.. and waaallaah!

it took me 15 minutes just to clean 1 piece of 'buah kapas'. jadah told me it takes around 100 pieces to make a nice comfy pillow. 100 x 15 mins = 1500 . 1500/60mins = 25 hours . so it actually takes an average of one day to clean enough cotton for one piece of pillow. imagine!

here are the pillows hand made by jadah. whats so nice about cottoned pillows? apart from being soft, they do not absorp heat very well. so that makes them cool - and very comfy to sleep on, unlike the new-gen styrofoam / sponge pillow.

blog?

2008-05-18T12:59:00.004+08:00

A conversation that took place one fine day..

(umi) Dear..what is a blog?

Eh? Erm..*silence* (apparently giving definitions and descriptions is not included as one of my specialities..)

A blog is… a place where anyone can simply write anything. But the difference is it’s online. Anyone can read it.

Owh..ok. But then, how is it different from websites..? People write in websites too..

Hmm. Websites are mainly set up to achieve certain purposes. Like to market certain products.. or as a fansite or as a downloader and as such. In blogs people mainly writes.. simply whatever.. their daily routine, their opinion on certain subjects.. its like an online diary.. but wait.. *another silence* (starting to get confused. People do that in blogs too.. right? marketing, fansites.. downloader.. etc2.)

So what are blogs then?

That was how I ended up in wikipedia looking for ‘blog’

A blog (an abridgment of the term web log) is a website, usually maintained by an individual, with regular entries of commentary, descriptions of events, or other material such as graphics or video.
Many blogs provide commentary or news on a particular subject; others function as more personal online diaries. A typical blog combines text, images, and links to other blogs, web pages, and other media related to its topic. The ability for readers to leave comments in an interactive format is an important part of many blogs. Most blogs are primarily textual, although some focus on art (artlog) , photographs, (photoblog), sketchblog, videos (vlog), music (MP3 blog), audio (podcasting) are part of a wider network of social media

Owh…..

*********************

Continuation of the above conversation..

(umi) So u mean there are people out there writing diaries to be read by other people?
Why would anybody want to do that?

Another tough question. *sigh*. Camane nak explain nih?

freebies!

2008-05-16T14:47:00.006+08:00

guess what's so special about this Big Mac?

it's free!!! yeAy!

all i need was a coupon (which i have aplenty, thanks to my sis and her friends..) and complete a chant within 4 secs at the nearest McD.

"2- all beef patties~ special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions,~ on a sesame seed bun!"

i rehearsed the chant at home for several days.. (actually rehearsal only took around 30minutes..but i need to gather some guts before actually going to the nearest McD..hey, not everyday u chant infront of strangers ok..) went to the restaurant, shoved off my coupon at the counter, displayed a big smile, took deep breath and chant away..

by the time i knew it, i've secured myself a free big mAc.

yeAy!

learn more about the chant contest here

btw, the pic above was taken from google. i was practically halfway chomping on my Big Mac before noticing that i've forgotten to snap some pics, hehh..

on my way home, i saw this.

someone must have been badly preoccupied.
i tried giving front light signals and doing hand gestures, but i guess the uncle driver must have not notice it.
when i realized my attemps were all futile.. i took my camera and snapped a pic instead. ha!

mahu tapi malas

2008-05-12T10:49:00.004+08:00

wah. lamanya tak berblog. seriously, takde libido. skrg ni pun kebetulan ke cc sbb temankan my sis buat online application to various colleges, so i thought - what the heck. update je lah.

last saturday, i received my spa conformation letter. wah. berdebar2 bila tgk sampul putih besar kat postbox - it definitely couldn't be anything else. menakutkan ok. apa yg terlintas kat kepala aku time tu adalah - AKU TAKNAK KEJE...HUHUHUU... boleh tak nak duduk kat rumah mcm ni je smp bile2..? waaaaaa..... kalau time initially start cuti aritu aku mmg bersmgt nak start keje. time tu kalau suruh aku start keje right away tanpa cuti langsung pun aku tak kisah. okla, maybe bukan right awayla. tp i wouldn't mind cuti yg pendekla. tp lama kelamaan duduk kat rumah.. makin gembira - bangun lambat, gembira takde stress, gembira doing anything i want.. i'm beginning to feel..err..heavenly. tambah pulak..ilmu di dada semua dah degenerate bersama sel2 otak yg lain.. lagi laaaa... bertambah2 rasa takmau gi keja.. takmau..takmau.. taaaaak maaaaaau...................

boleh tak?

Demam KDorama

2008-04-11T01:42:00.000+08:00

Entah kenape tetibe aku teringin sgt2 nak tgk KDorama a.k.a drama korea skrg nih. Teringin sgt2.. menggeletik-letik hati aku tiap2 hari.

Dulu senang je. Teringin nak tgk pape cerite je..terus surf internet. Abundance of sites yg offer free online viewing. Crunchyroll, mysoju, Veohtv, Youtube pun byk. Tekan play, tggl kejap, gi makan2 ke apa ke 30 mins later siap.

Ahh..begitu mudah hidupku dulu.

Melagha pun byk jugak time tu, hahaa..

So utk melegakan demam aku yg tak kebah2 dah dekat 2 minggu nih..aku pun merayau keliling town mencari kot2 ada kedai yg jual vcd/dvd drama2 korea/jepun..

Cari punya cari…1 hari….2 hari….3 hari….berlalu...to my horror….takda….langsung. Baik original mahupun pirated version. Sungguh sukar nak dipercayai…arghh…

Arghh…lagi..

So now I’m trying my luck..bukak 8tv dekat catch-up episodes. Ader la beberapa drama kat situ. Yg sites2 utk free online viewing tu sah takleh bukak lgsg dgn dial –up connection yg aku pakai nih.

Sambil click sambil berharap..pejam mata..mintak2 boleh..mintak2 boleh..

Satu2 satu window bukak..slow je. mencabar kesabaran pun ader jugak.

Dan finally biler drama prince hour mula load kat skrin pc aku, I can only go
YEHAAA..!!! I’m back baby!

suatu petang

2008-04-08T03:35:00.001+08:00

Aku gi kedai kain tghri smlm.

Nak cari2 kain buat tambahan koleksi baju kurung aku yg tak seberapa.. (dah nak kerja la katakan) Dah lama aku pusing2 carik kain, byk kedai jugak le aku singgah..takde yg berkenan di hati. Last2 aku jumpe jugak satu kain nih kat satu kedai nih.

So aku pun bgtau la kat awek salesgirl yg ader kat situ – nak kain yg kaler krim bunga2 purple tu 4 meter. Bila diukur, rupe-rupenye cume tinggal 4.5 meter je kain, so kain yg lebih tu kira complementary la.

Orait set.

Tgh jalan2 nak ke kaunter tetibe aku ternampak pulak satu kain yg kaler maroon.

Err..yg ni cantik jugak.. (aku mula berbelah bagi)

Agaknye lama jugak la aku berdiri sambil pandang2 dua kain tuh..sampai awek salesgirl yg tadik tu dtg balik n tanye..akak nak kain yg tu pulak ke?

“Err…” (aku sengih2)

“Err..Sbnrnye saya confuse. Saya tak tau nak beli yg mana satu.” (sengih makin lebar)

“Beli la dua2..”

“Eh tak boleh.. Nanti lari budget.”

“Ohh..kalau camtuh, amik yg putih tu, nampak ceria sikit. Yg maroon nampak mcm kaler org tua2..”

“Ohh..yeke?” (pandang kain maroon lama2..makin pandang makin suka) “Ermmm.. tapi saya macam dah byk baju kaler krim.. tp saya takde baju kaler maroon.. yg kaler krim ni mcm dah ramai je org pakai…” (byk lak songeh aku time tuh..)

Lama aku pikir..last2..

“Oklah..bagi sy yg maroon tu 4 meter. Yg tadik tu kensel.”

Moral of the story.
1) No wonder parents aku malas nak teman aku gi shopping.
2) Aku mmg dah takde keje
3) Jgn jadi salesgirl kalau korg bukan org yg penyabar.
4) Aku sbnrnye takde idea nak tulis ape kat sini, huhu..

pls don't change

2008-04-06T01:13:00.002+08:00

Went out with an old friend tadik. The first thing he said when he saw me was;

“Dear, u looked the same! Tak berubah langsung!”

Aku hanya mampu sengih2 bak kerang busuk..

Well..sbnrnye tak tau nak take the statement as a compliment or otherwise. In a way, it means that I look as young and as vibrant as last time – ewaahh..mcm dulu2 vibrant sgt, tapi bagus la kann..people always say- stay the same> don’t ever change. - and things like that. So again.. bagus la tu kan, that I don’t change.. but..on the other hand it sounded like aku ni takde improvement? Takde pembaharuan dalam hidup..Huhuhuu.. sedey kann..

But believe it or not.. bile jumpe member2 lama..That is the comment that I got all the time.

Not that I care that much anyway..Just that it makes me sat down and wonder..is it a bad thing?

hello

2008-03-22T14:24:00.003+08:00

salam..hello..sashiburi..aloha..or whatever and however you want to put it..

it's been sometime.huhu.. i'm currently at home. counting the days for posting allocation. my daily routine nowadays consists of waking up late (for no reason at all..even when i don't feel like sleeping i can still fall asleep), cleaning the house, take late breakfast, make lunch, then continue doing nothing ( doing nothing ranges from sending sms to watching tv to eating (post lunch meal) ) until dinner time. after dinner, i'll continue doing nothing. i'll watch practically everything on tv from tom tom bak to uncovering the secrets of planet earth in discovery channel. my sister had left for PLKN. so basicly its just me. me. and me at home. i'm not bored. really. i'm not. didn't i say i'm not bored just now?

although this is a bit late, but i think i'll write about my finalest final exam last month. honestly, i think the whole xm was kinda unfair. think about it- we had to endure months worth of suffering, physically and emotionally daunting - for it to end up in a 3 hours long exam. 3 hours only. mcm tak berbaloi. anyway, saying this - doesn't mean that i'm actually asking for a 3 weeks exam or anything. i'm grateful, tp mcm tak berbaloi je la. huhu. anyway, thank god i passed. Thank god. Thank god. there were 2 parts of the whole xm. the first part was the long case - we basicly are liable to get any case under the sun including minor postings (ophtalmo, EnT, dermato etc). i was praying for a surgical or Obstetric cases for long case.

during the xm, there were 2 rooms, the examination room and the examiner's room. while i was waiting for the exam to start, a surgeon walked past me into my examiner's room. i was like - yeay! a surgical case! the bell rang and i went into my examination room. the moment he saw me (to my surprise), my patient stood up, smiling broadly in almost a grin, walked happily towards me and greeted hi. i terkasima-ed, my mind was racing.. i mean - the patient looked well and happy! then he said it - while still in that same grin - doctor, i have SCHIZOPHRENIA. ohhhh..that explains.

the patient was cool, except for most part he chooses to tell his stories rather than answering my questions.. and his stories were looong..very looong indeed. ranging from how he was accepted to the university, to the moment he became a teacher, and later was appointed as Tun Dr Mahathir's bodyguard, and much later became an Orthopaedic surgeon in Switzerland. i was given an hour to take history and examine the patient, but i took 45 minutes to take the history alone - and the patient was still unwilling to stop telling stories then. when an hour was up, i only managed to complete my mental state examination and did a brief general examination. crap. i left the room praying hard the patient did not have any significant physical findings.

and thank god again he didn't. the examiners didn't asked much about the physical examination either, which was a great relief! and the whole examination went okay la i guess.

the second station, was for portfolio review. since i got a medical based case for my long case, i'll be getting a surgical based cases for my portfolio review next - which, i dreaded whole heartedly. of all the 10 portfolios i submitted, i loved my medical and peadiatrics portfolio the most, and i dreaded my Obstetric and gynae portfolio the most. but that somehow helped a lot, because - in my dreadfullness before the exam, i had occupied most of my thoughts thinking of them, how would i explain if this question was asked, i even remembered every nook and cranny of those portfolios.. and lucky me! most of the questions asked were the ones i've predicted, and practiced and memorized well. lucky me! and thank god again! i went out of the room feeling rather elevated.

lucky me. lucky me. although there were some others who were not so lucky to get some very tough cases. some just got simple cases, but had killer examiners.. it all depend on luck i guess.

anyway, at the end of the day i'm thankful.

there were some of us who didn't make it. what i can say is - i've been there, i know how it feels. it will be hard, but endure it. because, one day u may look behind and realize its a blessing indeed that everything happens the way it did.

oh crap again. it already late. i need to go home. i'll be internet deprived again once i left. nooooo.... don't miss me ya!

the week that has been

2008-02-29T08:29:00.004+08:00

Currently blogging in Seremban.

Been here since the past 1 week for my final exam. My exam was on Monday, but the whole exam thingy lasted until Thursday – so that left me with plenty of time after the exam to basicly – do whatever I want. Which is.. not that hard to guess, hehe.. shopping. So with ann we hopped from a mall to another (there’s 3 major ones in seremban) – so we went to every single one of them.. i didn't bought much - there was no sale, so everything was kind of expensive. we basicly ust walked..and walked..and walked.. mostly enjoying the sight, and wishing if only i had more money...$$$.. =P after that we went to the cinema, get a dose of ‘Dunia Baru’.

The next day, I went to putrajaya to get my spm certificate. I lost mine (well, I don’t know when I lost it, I’m assuming it was during the time I moved from sbn to bp last august, only to realize it was missing when we’re about to have our Spa interview..) When I realized it was gone, mmg kalut abis. But somehow I managed to apply for a replacement – which took 7 weeks to complete (serves me right) - because I posted the application via the snailmail pos Malaysia instead of the national courier service poslaju– which would only take 3-4 weeks. I even went to the interview cert-less. Imagine me trying to explain to the interviewer how I lost my cert.. hopefully I didn’t made that much of a bad impression to them.

Anyway while in putrajaya, the person in charge asked me – awak dtg dari mana? (where do you came from?) and I terkasima-ed before answering – I mean, how do I put it – that I actually originated from taiping, now I’m studying in bp but currently staying in seremban? Inadvertently I said I’m from seremban – just to put it simply. Luckily he didn’t asked me to write down my address or anything for it would have been confusing (because in the application form I wrote my bp address and if he asked me to, I’d definitely write my taiping address since I’ll be moving away from bp in a weeks’ time) haha..

Anyways..last nite we went to PD for a dinner – ann had promised to treat. There was this great place in PD that we went a few months back which serves great seafood. I mean GREAT seafood. Totally mouth watering, sleep hounting food. We had been longing to go back again ever since. so we planned to revisit last night. But when we reached there – total disappointment – the diner was closed for renovation. Argh! So we settled for the kedai makan next door. I ate, but with great disappointment and this morning, I woke up with a diarrhoea.. huhu..

this was the second Malay movie i watched in the cinema. The first one was 'jgn pandang belakang'. Anyway, i would recommend this to everyone. the general plot was expected - but there were multiple hillarious scenes, unexpected turn ups.. it was a bit slow initially , but it gets better and better as the minutes pass. totally hillarious. so if u haven't watch - go watch.

pure agony

2008-02-25T07:55:00.003+08:00

i never liked the agony of waiting for exam to start.

the usual inability to sleep on the exam day eve. back pain. loss of appetite. dyspepsia.

its agony! agony! agony! pure agony!

i seriously pray that this would be my last one for a looooong..looonngg..time.

'O Allah. let me make it through this one safely. amin'

i hate u but i love u

2008-02-14T00:50:00.006+08:00

i love the way u bring the air for me to breathe.
i love the way u filters the bad from coming into me.
i love the way u let me enjoy all the scent in the world.
i love the way u look on me..

but i hate u for being so sensitive.
i hate u for making my life so miserable.
i hate u for 'crying' ever so often and not knowing when to stop.
i hate u for making me sick most of the time.
i hate the way u make me look bad in front of everyone.
i hate u for being so easily infected.

i'm down with flu..lagi. garghh..!! my nose!!

of vacation home and a fully loaded trunk

2008-02-12T00:40:00.001+08:00

just got back to batu pahat. nope - i didn't go back to taiping, but went to khali's house in bangi instead. help him move to bukit mahkota. spent few days there. nothing significant. (mamat nepal yg tolong khali pindah rumah tu tried to hit on me a few times. he even pretended to be sick when khali told him i'm a doctor - haha..lawak2..)

remember my junior's house in seremban - the one we lived in when we were there a few days back? i mentioned living there felt a lot like being on vacation, didn't i? this is what i meant when i say vacation..

the view that greeted me everytime i opened the front door.. very soothing.

i also just found out that with a fully loaded car trunk (fully loaded/seated backseat is a bonus) - my kancil can go up to 135km/hr before the stearing wheel shakes incontrolably. haha.. (i'm so lucky my parents didn't read my blog.. =P)

my backseat today.. sekali tgk mcm teddyland pun ader gak..

1 : bantal spongebob evana, 2 : spongebob evana lagi, 3 : kepala teddybear Mr bean (hanis's), 4 : kerepek dari parit sulong courtesy of Kak Rahayu, 5 : bantal kukumalu (ann's), 6 : beg balik kampung hanis, 7 ; bantal peluk yours truly

********************************

this is a sekali-harung-good luck wish

to those having exam today (bebudak sem7), tomorrow (bebudak sem 9) and in the weeks to come (bebudak sem 10), i leave u this;

a four leaf clover. may sound a bit superstitious, tp a four leaf clover has long been associated with good luck - each leaflet represents something: the first is for hope, the second is for faith, the third is for love, and the fourth is for happiness. for me, i think the whole thing is kinda cute.. (*thee..hee..*pengaruh anime honey and clover..)

anyways..pray hard. work hard. pray even harder. and don't forget to leave it to He who decides on everything.

gambatte ne!

unwanted

2008-02-07T01:38:00.000+08:00

a week ago, i told umi i'm going back this weekend. her reaction was:

umi : pasaipa nak balik?
me : erk? err.. saja2.. nak balik jap sblm xm.
umi : tak payah la balik. duduk ja kat sana study.
me : ala.. rasa nak balik rumah.. lgpun dah lama jugak tak balik apa..
umi : takpa2..tak payah susah2. duduk ja kat sana.
me : eh, tak2.. tak susah pun. mmg dah plan nak balik. org balik ok?
umi : mmm... *pause* ikut suka hati la..
me : thee..he hee..*yeay*

tadi, dapat msg drp umi..;
'tiket bas dr taiping balik kl on Sunday dah abis. so tak payah la balik.'

huhu.. mmg betul2 taknak aku balik ke nih..??? kecik hati tau, waaa...

back in seremban

2008-02-06T02:03:00.000+08:00

gyaaaa..sorry for the long hiatus of update.

currently blogging from seremban using a housemate's lappy. been here for 4 solid days - came here mainly for strict revision regime..tapi till date, its feels more like vacation. at least to me la, haha.. we got to stay in this huge (and very nice) junior's house (with warm, comfy matresses..), somewhere kat atas bukit rasah - where the air is very2 chilly, (seremban mmg asyik hujan je 2,3 hari ni anyways..) kabus menyelubungi kawasan sekeliling almost all the time..

hujan+kabus+cuaca sejuk+tilam lembut dan sejuk+selimut tebal = i don't need to explain the consequence here, do i?

portfolios were all (safely) submitted on friday (thank Allah). macam tak caye yang that one big burden was finally off the hook. mcm org gile on the day of submission itself. bgn pagi tak gosok gigi, tak mandi, tak salin baju, terus ngadap komputer.. tak kuar dari bilik langsung, tak makan..occasionally gerak ke toilet utk qada' hajat, ambik wudu', and occasionally sarah yg cemerlang datang hantar makanan (roti bakar n cucur).. ke bilik sebab kesian tgk aku n housemate2 lain yg dah kematu bontot tak gerak2 dari depan komputer sejak pagi.

and the journey to portfolio completion tu..malas la aku nak explain di sini..safe to say, i learnt a lot (medically, emotionally, physically, and psychologically). kudos to all my frens yg byk tolong aku maser buat portfolio.. may allah repay ur kindness! lets see how the evaluation turns out to be at the end hokeh..

spa interview pun dah abes.. hahahaaa..gumbira2.. kalau tak kerana interview tuh. i don't think i'd ever memorize such things like - objective rancangan malaysia kesembilan, jumlah kerusi dalam dewan negara.. tak macam org lain yg nak mintak keje - (where the candidates will go to the interview centres) kat sini interviewers yg dtg kat tmpt kitorg. best! ada 2 stream, the so-called stream 'jahat' as they all put it, and stream 'baik'. lucky me, my name was on the stream baik. takde la susah sgt soalan2 yg ditanya.. in fact, i think my interview took the least time as compared to everyone else's! org lain ader yg lasted smp 45 minutes, mine only took a mere 10 minutes! i took it as a blessing, at least tak le kne bombard lama2, my umi kata "u must have been such an unintresting candidate, thats why diorg taknak interview lama2" chiesss... by the way, those in the so called stream 'jahat' were asked qts like - peranan ketua audit negara.. proses2 pembubaran parlimen, bidang kuasa badan legislatif..bla3.. kalah org nak ambik paper sejarah tingkatan 5.. huhu..kesian..kesian..

tinggal final long case and portfolio viva in few weeks time. and if all goes well.. i'll finally secure that title in front of my name. (btw, time interview tu the interviewer asked whether she can address me as dr. **** - and i said 'of course', hehee.. (padahal belum grad lagi pun =P ) anyways, pray hard that my journey will be made easy peasy all the way to the end. yosh.

okeh la. GTG. will be back writing if time permits.

Birthday aziemah. kat secret recipe batu pahat.

Bowling night.

lets sway...

2008-01-22T01:53:00.000+08:00

now.

imagine yourself being on a widely stretched, green..green.. grass land..

on a windy day.. wearing a thin, fly away, white coloured sundress.

its summer time, the air is filled with the smell of grass..

the breeze is blowing ur hair..(ok sedikit tak soleh di sini..tp imaginasi ni hanya utk tatapan peribadi, ok..hehe) and u hear the sound of music..conquering ur senses..and ur body starts to sway..sway..and away..u fly.. along with the sound of the music..and the wind blows...

now try this.

blast ur fan at the maximum level. go on.. jgn malu2..go..Now! (kipas je tau..air-con tak main!)

make sure there's no one around to disturb you.

now close ur eyes..

and listen to this piece of music..

and imagine urself as the girl in the sundress..

go on..

its magical, isn't it?

They say good things never last sigh

2008-01-17T21:56:00.000+08:00

Last night was supposedly our ‘housemates night out’. It was Hanis’s idea, nak kuar makan ramai2 satu rumah – since the semester is already reaching its end, and selama duduk kat batu pahat ni sekali pun kitorg tak penah kuar makan berjemaah.

Plan asal nak gi makan satay kat kedai belakang umah je, tp at the end terpaksa tukar venue sbb kedai tu tetibe tutup, n bile pegi kedai lain, ader a bunch of our bathcmates – 2 bijik keta and satu van lot of people pun nak makan kat kedai yg same..so what was initially a housemates night out tetibe bertukar jadik batchmates night out..ramai (rumah kitorg je dah 8 org) giler..riuh rendah kedai tu dgn kitorg jer..

Mmg best biler ramai2 duduk sama2 makan2 and lepak2 gini.. catching up dgn gosip2 terbaru, bukak balik gossip2 lama..usik mengusik sesame sendiri..curi2 makan makanan dari pinggan org lain..then suddenly it dawned to me - in a few weeks time all this will only be memories..in a few weeks time each and one of us will trot along our own path and walk our life separately.

Yes.. there were many moments in the past where I was so eager to complete my studies. Tak sabar nak bekerja, nak upgrade diri ke fasa hidup yang lebih atas sikit, nak pegang duit sendiri. But at the end, bila masa yang di tunggu tu akhirnya tiba, bila kaki hampir melangkah ke garisan penamat, I silently hoped that time would just stay still for a while. I want to bask these moments a little longer.

Everything suddenly feels scary. And sad.

The joy and happiness, the carefree and easy (though not so easy la actually) life of a student will soon end. Lepas ni kitorg akan start bekerja, start a new life, and God knows where this new life will be.. on which part on the country would we be posted to.. what challenge we will face.. the new people we’ll be meeting next.. will they be treating me as good as the people I have around me at the moment? will life be as great? will I still have nice, good friends around me at all times..? I will find new friendships all right, but it will not be the same. These bonds we took so long building.. will it last?

And all these great people I have around with me at the moment.. who had been there for me through my good and bad times, who never failed to support whenever I needed them, never failed to lend their hands (and time, and money, hehe..), who had listened, gave advices, provide comfort..(who had also bullied, pau makanan, etc2 =P..) whose existence had been implanted in my life for so long that I cannot imagine how life would be without them. Macam jantung yang berdenyut bergantung pada pacemaker. Macam org buta yang perlukan tongkat untuk berjalan. Sorila these are the only examples that I can think of at the moment but you all can get what I’m trying to say kan?

Looking back, 5 ½ tahun yang berlalu ni raser macam a blink of an eye aje. Macam terlalu cepat.

~ to my dear friends.. I love you all, very..very ..dearly. muakhs..muakhs.. I may not be able to say all this kat semua org secara live - nanti korg kater aku jiwang la, emotional la..so if anyone of u tetibe happens to tersesat kat blog ni ke, ape ke in the future..know in ur heart that I always love you. Every single one of u. Thanks for making my life so wonderful. =) ~

Love. Peace.

****************************

p/s: I just got back from the ward. My patient died last night. *sigh* Dia pergi meninggalkan 4 org anak yang masih kecik. Al-fatihah buat arwah. Semoga dia tergolong di kalangan org2 yg beriman..

happy, happy..

2008-01-14T18:40:00.000+08:00

today is a happy day.

i am happy today.

if u ask me why..? the answer is- i don't know. i just feel like smiling all day for no reason.

i finally found a perfect case for my portfolio today. the patient and the mother were great. they're bunch of nice people. nice people makes me happy. even finding a case after a week of hunting cases mcm org gile was kinda happy as well.

the bedside teaching with Datuk Shong was great as well. i seriously miss my lecturers in Seremban - meeting one today makes my heart leap. And after i presented my case today he smiled and said - "good. good case." lalala...happy lagi..

and kat gerai makan tadik jumpak this very nice guy yg sudi layan kitorg (me n ainon) yang dok tanya soalan2 bengong..that was sweet jugak..

and the conversation with bana tadi.. hehe.. that was fun!

haha..and the unexpected call drp encik zaidi tadi.. out of the blue.. hehee...igt jugak dier kat aku..u made my day ok.. =))

and owh..maybe jugak because i wore red today - my attempt to cheer myself up, sbb dah berapa hari asyik dok depress jer.. (nampaknye berjaya!) - red is definitely my happy colour.. hehe.. superstitious.. superstitious..

anyway.. even without all the reasons stated above, i still feel rather elevated today..

maybe there's a magic happy powder in the air today.. weee....

only Allah knows why i'm so happy today *wink*

a lifetime of water-saving

2008-01-13T11:30:00.000+08:00

I sometimes I wonder why I never got any better at doing these 2 things even after 24 years of doing the same thing over and over again every single day..

That is.., to wake up early in the morning and to take bath first thing after waking up. *sigh*

pat at the back

2008-01-11T18:57:00.000+08:00

haaaishh.

what a day today.

i woke up as usual.. went to the ward, as usual. stepped into the ward with my right leg and a bismillah as usual..(and prayed for good day ahead..) scanned around for new admissions, and ahh.. plenty of them this morning. went check-out all of them one by one, all were mostly well, but none seem suited for my case write up. previous in-patients are rocovering. (some are not) saw miss C (a collegue) whom i was totally enraged at last night. (i suppose miss C hasn't learn the word teamwork yet. i do hope she'll learn that in time so that she wouldn't get into any trouble later when she starts working). anyway.. i tried avoiding her as much today - an attempt to ward off the boiling feeling.. - i think it worked. and even this morning, i still questions my reaction - whether i did the right thing? should i approach her and say something about it? - in a good way la of course. do i even have the right to do so? (because i'm not her superior or anything..) anyway, at the end of the day i didn't say a word to her.

last night was a total pat at the back for me (i do not like to be challenged, i have quite low threshold for anger and to worsen it all - i am also sensitive) but despite all that, and despite what miss C did, i managed to tell myself to let it pass. (although i had to admit i did rant quite a bit to ainon after that. =P) . it was quite an achievement for me, i must say.

anyway again, calm and collected people humbles me. i wish i could be more like that.

anyway, anyway again.. by evening, i still can't find a case worthy for a write-up, and that leave me as the only person not having a case yet so far. and the written-up case is to be hand in on monday.

i left the ward feeling stressed.

haaaihh.

what a day.

twosome

2008-01-06T23:14:00.000+08:00

Two much happy news in a day! Mmg too much!
Pg tadi.. I saw an email from a dear friend telling me that she has finally found someone.. (years back, the three of us used to hang out together and share our sad love life stories. A year after that - wani, got married and that left the two of us - me and ilah, dejected. So both of us made a promise; that we must keep each other updated the instant either of us has any development in our love life) So this morning when I saw the first few lines of her mail that reads - girl, we made a promise. So here’s me keeping up my promises to you.. my heart started to beat wildly..oh no.. please let it be other promises.. not that one.. not that particular one.. but no..it had to be that particular promise.. I was so depressed that I actually went back to sleep for another hour even though I wasn't sleepy. *jahat kan aku nieh?, huhuu..*

And later this evening, Ann came to my room with that anxious look on her face. ‘Dear, its time for me to come clean. Its time for u to know all the stories that I kept from you all this while..’ and I sooo knew what kind of story awaits me.. uh oh..that she had finally decided to accept that guy in her life (someone she has been dating for a while now) and are going to have dinner/lunch at his house today with the mother.. and my heart goes 'nooooooooo......' again ( but only in the silently, hehh..)

Fine. I admit. I’m jealous. Hahaa..Oh ann.. now u knew, hehe..

Ok2..I should be happy for them..

And I am. Honestly, I am..

But when 2 very close friends whom I thought would be in the same ship as me for quite sometime suddenly unboard the ship, one would feel left behind betul tak? I now have 2 less friends to share my sad single stories. Haaaishh!

I'm off to fold my laundry and recollect my sad love life now, alone.

p/s: dear ann.. you know I love you, hehe.. you go girl!

hehh.

2008-01-04T00:10:00.000+08:00

the very topic that every Malaysians rant about yesterday, today and probably the next few days of the week would be none other than the big scandal.

even those who never actually mind about anything political-related before had suddenly started talking politics.

one only had to commit one crime and a lifetime worth of good deeds will be forgotten. i'm not taking sides, what he did shows that he is only human..but to say "he's just a man and all men make mistakes', and get away with it is also unfair.

what he did was wrong. he was brave enough to admit it, and even paid the price for acting faulty. so be it. lets not judge. lets stop the bad mouthing. lets just be a boring Malaysian. for all we know, he was once a great minister who had avanged our health system.

p/s: to imagine that i actually i drive past the stipulated hotel on a regular basis.. hehh.

p/s (p/s) : drNo: congratulations!!! u really made my day today...saya senyum all evening hearing ur good news!! yeay! (takleh post kat ur comment box, so letak kat sini jer laa..)

new year commotion

2008-01-02T02:44:00.001+08:00

apart from the datarans, and the stadiums.. and all other places where people gather around to celebrate new year..

the gas stations were also jam packed on the night before new year..

little missy here thought its a new way to celebrate new year that she doesn't know of..new fill of petrol for a smooth sailing year ahead maybe? maybe feng shui related of some sort..

but haa.. apparently someone had heard from someone else who then told another someone and also everybody else (in that matter) that the petrol price will be raised by the strike of 12 midnight-which caused everyone to rush to the petrol station (and also add up to the massive road traffic jam..)

and i didn't know a cent about it. (until today)

nobody told me.. (nobody out there loves me enough to mention to me about this very serious stuff?? *sobs*)

luckily those are only rumours.. nothing come out in the news right? (it didn't right..?)

if only life is as blissful as this..

a year that was

2007-12-31T00:12:00.000+08:00

in less than a day, it'll be 2008! oh no! even after i rubbed my eyes, pinch my ears, bit my tongue..the fact did not change..2007 is leaving me! gosh! howdidtimemovesofastyikes!

if i could sum up 2007 in 4 words i'd say.....the fastest year ever? seriously...seriously.. someone slap me please. put me back into reality please..

january - just got back from kelantan (doing elective) and and miri (doing elective). made my first ever cake. got my car back after 2 months of abstinence.

february - err..wait.. i can think of something significant that happened this month..i know i can do this.. err.. all i can think of is..my relationship with a certain someone became worst this month.. and err.. yeah..i also almost made the biggest mistake ever in my life by almost accepting a someone..*sigh* bad month.

march - my washing machine broke down - there goes my biggest lifeline, haha..ibarat dah patah satu kaki..so my journey mengetuk dari pintu ke pintu to get my laundry done starts. and yep..dell dija left for batu pahat this month. *sad*

april - ho yeah! i turned 24! and yep.. umi got admitted

may - lost my 3rd purse in 5 years. and not to forget-i went through the best surgery posting in a million years! yeah!

june - became the leader of my posting group (again) which (i hate a lot) *sigh*

july - dell dija came back for their finals and stayed over for almost 2 weeks!

birthday pakcik

august - my 1st leg of final year xm. dell dija graduated. oh yea..the blog was finally discovered! heh!

september - passed the exam-finally made it trough to batu pahat! the starting of my dry blogging season. and oh yea..had no allowance this month.

farewell dinner kat rumah dr. zain. before leaving for batu pahat.

october - first time berpuasa di batu pahat. celebrated what could probably be my last raya with family before i started working. was also the worst month ever! had series of unfortunate events.. the slow death of my dearest lappy..the serious consequences/damage that it had caused along - almost cause me to fail my posting. lost my stethoscope. lost my camera's memory card and whole load of important files. i had series of mishap regarding my portfolio...i even had to redo my portfolio for...how many times was it? 5? grrr.... had a long, bad month with iqbal. was appointend secretary for community project- can anyone ever imagine being secretary and not having a computer in hand? and to top it up - i still had no allowance this month - bad.bad month.

open house 2007

november - lappy was finally dead. for real. i succumbed to depression. luckily abang was there to save the day..he essembled and send me this via the mail. isn't he an angel?

december - had the best obstetric posting ever. celebrated the best raya haji ever. family reunion during the kenduri..it was a blast! and not to forget - i've been using my curreny phone for a year now! kind of an achievement isn't it? haha.. dell dija started working..in batu pahat! =)

raya haji

the golden generation hehee..

so that was how my 2007 went..it was bit bitter..and sour..but sweet all at the same time!

so happie 2008 all!

pray for a great next year ya! =)

are you in love?

2007-12-06T22:54:00.000+08:00

i know i'll sound corny writing this.

p/s: for those who knows me out there, now u know how corny i am. so i'm warning u once and for all. if u think u can't handle this, then start typing something else on the search bar right now or forever hold ur peace.

it's not even 11 yet and i'm sitting here in front my pc feeling sleepy and bored as ever and can't even recall what i did the whole day today.. (ahh..just remembered, must be the futsal game earlier, cess..) and because i haven't written a single word for my gynae portfolio yet and sleeping is not even an option in my current state so i ended up googling this - how to know you're in love? yea..yea..this might raise an eyebrow here there but no, i'm not in love.. i'm just curious. hehh.

there were plenty of answers - different people with their own version of describing the state of - being in love; however these are my favourites. en joy!

~ You know you're in love when there is no hesitation in expressing yourself. When you feel you can share anything and everything. When you are not anxious about making a commitment. Mostly, you don't feel the need to look around for greener pasture. You don't think that maybe the next man you meet may be better. You are willing to check this relationship out...see where it goes ~

~ You know you're in love when you feel like the one you're with was made for you by God himself. They're designed to be your other half and you question everything in your life that has every happened up until the point you meet them and everything in your life changes ~

~ True love is a choice. True love is when you care about someone else more than you care about yourself. It's when you would rather make them happy than make yourself happy. ~

*winks!*

and oh ya..speaking of the things i did.. i just remembered something else - i sneaked into the OT aka operation theatre today during an ongoing surgery without the permission of the working surgeon - to peek into a patient's case note in order to help a friend write her portfolio case, hehee..

which great leader am i?

2007-12-03T22:28:00.000+08:00

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

nguahh..nguahh.. i'm a detached intellectual... i got to go live in an isolated lab la pas nih..

poll. can u all help me out?

2007-12-01T09:21:00.000+08:00

if i had to choose between this and this....

that's easy. obvious answer isnt' it?

ok now lets try a harder task.

choose either....

this national heartthrob - no need introduction here kan?

this guy with a killer smile- aaron aziz (too bad he's married, huhu..)

or this heart melter, knee trembler, hypertension inducer, sleep depriver.. gong yoo..

aahhhhh...... men. *ok2..don't get distracted* harder to choose, (betul?) each one with own qualities..yada2.. plus..,

they aren't real life situation, so choosing any won't affect one life as much..
so now.. i have this..

and having to choose between all these:

it helps if one knows exactly what he/she wants..but its driving me nuts because i'm not entirely too sure what i want myself.

to stay close with family? or to stay away..? to start over at a new place but with (possibilities) of having to live alone..? to stay close with family? to choose a place with good reputation? or to a place where i think i'll have the widest learning opportunities?

at the same time, there's this question.. what if i'm not given the place i choose? what if there's too many people choosing to go to that same place that i ended up on the free market aka di lelong?

i love to think myself as adventurous wanting to go far2 away for a new life.. but then again.. i kept thinking.. is it really okay to go? am i being selfish to put family behind and think of me first? haaaihhh... penat fikir ok..

of pineapple and bottled water

2007-11-09T10:45:00.000+08:00

I seriously had to put this up here. here's some article that were circulated in the mails-these two were taken from jimbo's blog.

Article 1

Stop drinking water was left or stored in the car!!

This is how Sheryl Crow got breast cancer. She was on the Ellen show and she said this same exact thing.

So please be very careful ladies.Drinking Bottled Water kept in car….

A friend whose mother recently got diagnosed with breast cancer. The doctor told her: women should not drink bottled water that has been left in a car. The doctor said that the heat and the plastic of the bottle have certain chemicals that can lead to breast cancer.

So please be careful! Do not drink that water bottle that has been left in a car. Pass this on to all the women in your life. This information is the kind we need to know and be aware and just might save us!!!!

The heat causes toxins from the plastic to leak into the water and scientists have found these toxins in breast tissue. Use a stainless steel canteen or a glass bottle when you can!!!

Article 2
A 10 year old boy had eaten pineapple about 15 days back, and fell sick, from the day he had eaten. Later when he had his health check done…

Doctors diagnosed that he had AIDS. His parents couldn’t believe it…

The the entire family underwent a check-up…none of them suffered from AIDS.

So the doctors checked again with the boy if he had eaten out…

The boy said “yes”, he had eaten pineapple that evening. Immediately a group from the Malaya Hospital went to the pineapple vendor to check. They found the pineapple seller had a cut on his finger while cutting the pineapple and his blood had spread into the fruit. They checked him and the guy was suffering from AIDS… but he himself was NOT aware. Unfortunately the poor boy is suffering from it now.

Please take care what you eat at the road side. Please forward this mail to your dear one

p/s: i wonder..sapa la punye kerja dok menspreadkan email2 mengarut mcm nih around? sekali baca bunyi mmg menakutkan ye tak? makan nenas dapat AIDS? kalau org yg malas nak double check, sure dah berenti makan pineapple, atau buah2 lain, infact, semua makanan yg dijual di luar sbb takut infected by AIDS! aku try google for both topics- apparently it has been around for quite some time, haha..tak tau berapa ramai org yg dah terpengaruh dgn article nih. kepada org2 yg rajin menulis email ngarut mcm nih..berenti la weyyy...byk lagi kerja lain yg boleh dibuat..

dark rooms and empty lane

2007-11-08T10:26:00.000+08:00

Haven’t been around for quite a while.

Whenever I read my post kat bawah tu, I thought to myself – ghee.. I sounded so depressed.

But really. I had to admit. These last few weeks mmg have been really testing. Testing kesabaran, testing ketahanan diri.. Mcm2 berlaku.. Whenever I thought things could never be worse, something else went wrong. And this went on…one thing after another. And what did I do amidst all that?

- I whined. I complained. I wallowed. I walked around as if mine is the biggest problem in the world and no one would ever understand.

And good did I achieve by doing all that?

- None. After I whine, I felt like whining some more. I complained –why does bad things always happen to me? And afterwards, I felt more depressed. I slept during the day, went to bed early at night, woke up late in the morning. Everything I need to do, went into my pending list. During the day, I walked around with the ‘ignore me-I had a bad day’ attitude. I put up frowned face all day long, and spread guilt around to my friends for not having the same problem– And made them all feel bad as a result.

And did my problems resolve?

- Hah! Definitely not! In fact, I felt worse myself. And that’s when I realized- oh God, what have I done? I should have buckle up and move forward. Problems don’t go by itself. They need to be tended. What I need to do was stay around and get my problems sorted – and after that only I realized that actually, things were not so bad after all..It was the mind game that made everything looked worse than it actually was.. and it was also the mind that could actually made all the hard things in life easy. And the most important thing that I had actually forgotten to do was.. to count my blessings. Even when most things in life had went into the drain, even when all things important seem to be lost – I still have a lot of other things with me. Its not the end of the world. Its not like I couldn’t get up and fix things up.

I just forgot to be grateful.

p/s: took this from kak hliza's blog (sorry kak, saya qoute kejap) from the late tennis pro Arthur Ashe,

"True greatness is, start where you are, use what you have, and do what you can."

*sigh*

back to reality

2007-10-22T23:10:00.000+08:00

its monday and more than a week past raya.
still in raya mood? -haha..takdela. aura raya dah abih, yg tggl cume flab2 di sekeliling pinggang. time jejak kaki masuk umah last saturday.. teraser mcm.. baru ditransfer balik ke alam realiti. haih.

ada perasaan macam nak melarikan diri.

agak ader perasaan bosan dgn rutin kehidupan sehari2.

if i were given a chance to live differently, even for a day..what would i do?

sail on a yatch in the mediterranean sea?
learn how to drive a plane?
try being a teacher for a day?
jadik crew casa impian going around decorating people's place?
atau replace maria tunku sabri jadi pengacara jjcm?
hah, atau temankan chef wan touring crew..aku boleh tolong habiskan makanan yg dier masak..

adoilaaa..how i wish i could escape reality.. it would be nice.

p/s: have i ever mentioned.. that my first ever ambition..ever.. was to be an interior designer. *wink*

lalala..its that time of the year again!

2007-10-17T09:35:00.000+08:00

Happy belated raya all.

Just a little recap on my raya. Raya tahun ni mcm biasa je. I mean, spt tahun2 lepas jugak la. I started a new posting one week before raya (medical posting) and thank god the lecturer was kind enough to let us go on Thursdays for raya. I can’t imagine what’ll happen if we were to travel home on Friday evening. Two days before balik kampung most of us were struggling to complete our clinical discussion report. To be submitted on Wednesday before 4pm online, for discussion on Thursday morning before everyone pack up and leave for raya break.

Since my computer is still not in a good shape, I completed mine using the campus’s computer and submitted it on Wednesday 3.30pm. (can’t help it since one is a last-minuter, ha!) Failure to do so will jeopardize the end posting assessment marks. Anyway, after submission, I was all over the moon, tinggal pikir nak balik raya je. I didn’t even keep a copy of my report …sbb the computer was unable to detect my thumbdrive, and being too laden with raya thoughts I seriously don’t think that as necessary. I only saved it in the student’s personal H drive, which is only accessible from the computer lab itself.

It was not until later that night that I suddenly thought of checking my mails for any reply from the lecturer. Just in case la kan. And there it was.. at 1am in the morning, in my mailbox a mail that reads:

Isleasy, I did not receive the attachment along with your email.

*dang!* My soul died. And I didn’t have a copy of the report with me to resend. I went to class with weak legs and flail heart. First, sbb hati dah memang ada kat Taiping, jasad je masih trapped kat Batu Pahat. Kedua, sebab everyone else’s report has been submitted while mine was.. well.. u know what happened. However., I wasn’t scolded or anything for being careless. To tell the truth, the lecturer seemed indifferent when I saw him that morning. However, not getting any scolding is never equivalent to good remarks so I can only pray that no marks were deducted from that incident.

Anyway, class ends at 12. We left the house at 12.50pm. I thought we were going to be stucked in the highway traffic for good, much to my surprise, the highway was relatively empty all the way sampai Taiping. Dropped Ann at her house in Kampar, and Hanis at Kamunting’s plaza tol. It only took me 7 hours ++ to reach home, yeay!

On Friday, we left for raya in my grandma’s place – Penang. Again, bukak puase dlm kereta sbb umi got off from work quite late.

Raya day- nothing much. Biasala.. when one stay at home on raya day and do nothing, one tend to revert back to humanoids primitive activities, which is eating. So that was what mainly happened on the first 3 days of raya. Makan smp bloated, minum sampai kain ketat, ulang alik ke tandas for god knows how many times and passing massive amount of gas at the end of the day. Akan makan bila lapar, makan bila tak ada apa nak dibuat, makan bila tetamu datang, makan bila pegi rumah org, makan lagi bila tgk org lain makan sebab nampak sedap..etc2..all the usual stuff… and hah, I was still able to collect some trifty amount of duit raya ok! Talk about murah rezeki, hehee..
But I have to add-being an adult (malu nak ngaku adult), the best thing about raya ( apart from makan and still getting duit raya) is meeting the relatives. Nothing in the world beats that.

Third day of raya - back in Taiping. I learned that most friends were already packing their bags leaving home. Masing2 dah bekerja, so cuti pun tak lama. Aku jelah yg cuti byk tahun ni, and the worst part is, stuck at home with nowhere to go. Huaaa..so basicly my main agenda in the next few days would still be; makan and lepak.

Yep. So..

Happy raya all. May u have a good one. Maaf Zahir dan Batin.

p/s: lost my camera's memory card so no raya pics this year. *sad*

my orbit man

2007-10-10T19:47:00.000+08:00

when one's sweet heart is about to go on a trip to a faraway place on eid, one have the right to feel sad, angry and dejected, right?

but i'm all for u dear. not all men can claim they celebrated eid in space.

raya and a very depressing mood

2007-10-10T05:47:00.000+08:00

3 days to raya and counting
dah nak habis dah puasa rupanya.
people say good things don't last
gamaknye mcm ni le rasanye
i seriusly wouldn't mind sambung buln pose for another week or two
but then again, i wouldn't want to be in this-not so-elevated mood for any longer
tah knape, kali ni,. bile pikir pasal raya, aku rase deppressed.

tiap2 pagi bukak radio dgr lagu raya i became more depressed.
masuk wad pagi2 dgr staff nurse bukak lagu raya aku jadik lebih takde mood..

i'm definitely looking forward for the cuti and balik kampung, but not the raya.
haih. ape nak jadi nih...

been around; but not quite

2007-09-30T10:52:00.000+08:00

22 non-blogging days!

whoaaaa.......!!!! lama tu...
......
My .reasons .for .not ..blo.gging:

1) new place, new environment. ne.e.d time to adjust. (haha..alasan)
(for those yg still taktau, aku dah recently pindah ke. batu pahat. recently means 4 weeks ago..been meaning to blog about this tp tak tulis2.. by now cerita pindah .randah n.i. dah .pun ...som.ewhat basi and aku. st.ill ta..k sure whet.he.r i sho.u.ld or shoul.dn't write a..bo.ut it .in here, hehe.. .tgklah nan.ti mcm...ana...........)
.
2) .hav.e. ..been busy....and .do.wn..right tired most of the day..!!
again, .i .blame .th.is o.n ...my .p.oor ad.justability in .ne.w in.vi.ronmen.t. i thought i'd dwell well in new place.s,. but i've proven .my self wrong. skrg ni balik tiap2 har.i terus terkelep.et. i went to bed at aro.u.n.d 10. pm. to 11.pm these d.ays.. bu.t of cours.e,............... o.n days when i need to get some things done i'll wake up earlier la..) maybe i should blame the wheather jugak.. or maybe the nyamuk2 yg infesting my room ... ....(..sk.rg. ni .duduk da..lam bilik rase.r m..cm d.uduk. dalam gua...........) nyamuk is a ...............real mood killer ok..especially when u're being attacked by a stampede all at once. though i don't mind donating some of my blood, but the multiple bite lesion they left is not a pretty sight ok....and .....n.....ot ..a pretty .sigh.t ag.ain .if u hav.e. to spend t.he next day mengga.r..u.2 .ur badan in ..p.ubl.ic a.n.d o.pen are.a...........................s.. (.es.p..ec..ially... .depan p.atients .a..nd all)......huhu..sungg.uh .tak professional.........
..
.......................
3) those darn portfolios and darn reports
now currently in my final semester, we have to submit 10 portfolios by the end of our 6 months course h.ere. i don't mind writing clinical reports, i se.riously don't. they're not that much of a hassle anyway. yg kurang enak is the fact that we have to read and appraise studies and evidence-based articles (a.k.a EBM) in o...u.......r reports.. (ok kantoila skrg yg aku ni mmg bukan kaki baca journal .. .o..r.EBM articles...). ...so now that. w.e'.re .forced to do so, so its like EBM pagi, EBm petang, EBM malam..,. .......i... even talked EBM with housemates during meal time. sungguh taksub EBM kitorg skrg nih.

4) my lovely laptop *pat2 my laptop on the back*
as u can see from the things i wrote above.. it is interspersed with dots here and here. i didn't ...accidentally type them all on here u see. diorg muncul sendiri. all the while i've been wrestling, (yess..wrestling) with my keyboard to fend them off my reports.. (bygkan aku struggle nak tulis report and titik2..... ..tu asyik dok muncul kat. .screen, and everytime aku delete dier muncu.l balik, kengkadang tu mcm berperang dgn keyoard sendiri utk pastikan my reports are dots-free.) btw, yg ko.rg boleh nampak ni adalah the milder form of the c.ondition.....o.n da.ys it could be muc .w.orse.. anyway ..lag.ik, this is n.ot. the .firs.t time it hap.pe.ns.. .dah byk kali.. ..us.u.ally it.'ll go .a.w.ay. in .a week or so..tp .kali .ni .dah dekat ....4 mi.ngg.u..huhu.h...u..waaaaa....).any.one. g.ot any. advice?..(. other than t.uk.ar keyboard atau tukar laptop.. la .of c.ourse,. huhu.....)....
.

and owh ye..sblm .ak.u lupe.. this month is my b.log's one year anniversary. its 19/9/2007 to be precise. .......s.h.ould.'ve. blog on that day.,hmm... .so now its a belated anniversary dah la..its been a good one year at the purple sky with all of you! *claps claps*

so for those who. have been reading this .blog for the past one year i say thank you..and fo.r .th.os..e ..who h.av.e been c.o.m.ing. ove.r even when i didn't write anything i say thank you as well,. and a.lso .s.orry fo.r mak.in.g u .s.ee that. t.akda .ti..ket. post again and again for quite some.tim.e..

and since it's al.ready... .half.way past Ramadhan, i think i.'d better wis..h selam.at mencari laila.tul qadar. to all my muslim bloggers.. (.not sure whether i have. a. n.on- mu.sli.m blogger reader or not, b.ut just to be safe.). so may all of us achive. t.he .b.est .in. .these final days
of the month!
.
..so ya...that.'s i.t. .hope those dots does not deter u all from re.ading this post! =). !......

Oh nO!

2007-09-08T12:54:00.000+08:00

tarik nafas..
baca statement ni baik2..
sbb statement ni sgt penting.
menentukan hidup dan mati, haha (almost la)

<TIKET BALIK RAYA DAH HABIS>

ilek
tiada
sold out
fully booked

...*sigh*.....

belum pun start bulan pose. plan asal nak balik naik ketapi. igtkan awal lagi nak book tiket. yelah, ader sebulan lebih lagi kan. huhu.. sungguh cetek ramalanku. check online, sume tiket dah abih. yg ader tiket pagi raya, sampai destinasi ptg raya.. oh. tak mungkin aku sanggup beraya didalam gerabak ketapi! cuckupla sekali pengalaman beraya dalam wad. option lain yg ada adalah:

a. drive naik keta
b. bas
c. kapal terbang?

option a: penat. sbb dari batu pahat ke butterworth (kampung nenek) definitely akan jam.

option b: tak silap tiket bas still ada, tp aku sbnrnye tak berapa fancy option nih, sbb..sbb.. kekerapan kes2 melibatkan bas semenjak dua menjak nih. phobia ok. lagi pun sure akan jam jugak. daripada jam naik bas aku raser baik jam naik keta yg drive sendiri. at least keselamatan dah terjamin.

option c: sbnrnye aku taknak consider pun option ni lgsg, sbb.. mana aku nak cekau duit? huhu.. lagipun kne naik kat jb dan trip dari batu pahat ke jb akan amik masa lagi sejam setgh kalau jam-free. owh lupa lak nak cakap, tiket air asia pun dah abis sbnrnye. yg tinggal cume mas. haha (saja je letak option ni kat sini nak kasi nampak byk choices, huhu..)

so, dear blogger frens... apa plan balik kampung raya tahun ni?

tag lagi!

2007-09-05T16:32:00.000+08:00

amik this tag from drNo
agak gatal nak membuat tag nih sebab malas nak buat bende lain
plus, dah lama tak update and i kind of seem to run out of ideas..or actually more like,byk sgt bende going on semenjak dua menjak ni nak cerita pun tak tau nak start dari mana..

macam drNo gak, dulu2 mcm tak berminat sgt nak menyahut tag2 org ni, skrg ni raser mcm seronok pulak, sbb its makes me sit down and think about myself, ttg bende2 yg aku tak penah kisah nak pikir pun sblmnih.

so here goes..

The 4 things

4 things that scare me:
- kematian (uh-oh.. sbb tak tahu bile dan bagaimana..dan jugak sbb persiapan ..tak seberapa mana..)
- how to tell others that i'v.e lost som.ething (huhu.. ni disebabkan aku selalu hilangkan/misplaced brg2, aku mmg tak gemar sggh tebiat buruk aku yg satu nih, aku tak kisah sgt kalau brg2 yg aku ilangkan tuh tak melibatkan org lain, tp kalau yg melibatkan org lain, contohnye henset - sbb aku kne tukar nombor baru n inform ramai org.. atau brg2 hak org lain.., arghh tensen sungguh!)
- if anything happens to my um.i
- that i'll go out there and be a bad doctor (or kill someone due to my mistake.. nauzubillah ok)

4 peoples/things who m.akes m.e laugh (aku alter sikit part things tu,. sbb takde spec.ific. org,. sbb aku generally pun m.m.g suke gelak)
- kawan2
- m.e fam.ily =) *wink*
- blogs i read (dah byk kali tergolek2 ketawa bile bac.a blog2 org lain)
- good books (harry potter pun byk dry humour ok..haha.. mcm phrase ni- wangototheballwime? sesape yg bace 'the goblet of fire' insyaAllah paham..haha..)

4 things i love
kalau tolak diri sendiri..hehe.. it will be like this..
- jam tangan ku
- laptop ku
- landscape yg cantik (tak kira le gambar ke, real life sc.enery ke..owh mmg ku suka bgt!)
- good food x 328 (i looooove to eat!)

4 things/people i hate
- cigarette smoke
- sampah yg dibuang merata2 dan pembuang2 nye sekali..
- filem2 Prof A.Razak Mohaideen.. (huhu no offense)
- anything that has to do with clothes (basuh baju, sidai baju, angkat baju, lipat baju, iron baju) tp tolak pakai baju dan shopping baju la,. yg 2 tu ok..theheehe..

4 things i don't understand
- muzik hiphop
- politicians
- knape new relationship kne mula dgn perkenalan.. sbb aku plg lemah bab2 nak tanya apa nama org, asal dari mana.. keje ape.. etc2., boleh tak just skip that part and terus start berkawan je instead? yg lain2 tu boleh je discover along the way ye tak?..pelik ke aku kata mcm ni?
- org2 yg suke letak spam dalam mailbox (are there even people reading it? duh!)

4 things on my desk ( itupun kalau yg ader kat depan aku ni boleh di consider sbg desk..)
- laptop
- memo pad
- earphone
- tempat letak pensel

4 things i'm doing right now
err....
- doing this tag
- err...does breathing counts?

4 things i want to do before i die
- learn 3rd, 4th, 5th or more languages
- travel the world (esp places with good food!)
- belajar baking, haha!
- hafal the Quran (huhu...harap yg nih tak jadik angan2 je..)

4 simple things to describe my personality
- aku cepat naik angin, tp aku jugak cepat sejuk
- aku sgt sensitif (senang terasa dgn cakap2 org, senang menangis ble tgk tv, baca buku,. etc2)
- it is so easy to make me happy
- aku suke senyum dan bergelak ketawa (walaupun gigi ku tak lawa! =D)

4 things i can't do
- berdiet (Ya Allah jauhkan lah aku dari penyakit diabetes dan darah tinggi dan gout dan apa2 jelah yg melibatkan diet control...)
- desk work ie keje dalam ofis
- drive at night without my specs/lenses
- bela binatang

okeh. dah habis! not tagging anyone, because i did this for fun! tp sesape nak buat pun no hal je.. ahaks!

Happy Belated 50th National Day

2007-09-03T23:37:00.000+08:00

21 non-blogging days
Lama tu.
Agak malas nak menaip
Menunggu inspirasi yg tak dtg2,haha..
Plus, my lappy pun tak berapa sihat semenjak dua menjak nih..

Anyway, hope its not too late still to wish Happy (belated) 50th National Day to Malaysia and happy being merdeka to all Malaysian. I'm sure most of us are proud to be born in this country whether we express it or not. Others showed it by displaying flags, singing patriotic songs. I guess I played my part by being a good Malaysian. (I studied hard, I don't litter, I TRY my best to be a good driver (note the word try there, =P).

I'll express my gratitude by counting my blessings. At the age of 24, I am able to lead a peaceful life, eat good food everyday, live a practical life; (shop wherever i want, water running thru my taps thou not all the time, electricity so i can surf the net easily haha.. and the list goes on..) So thank you. To all who helped build Malaysia; be it in the past, present, or future --> to what it has become now. A big THANK YOU.

PTSD

2007-08-13T20:44:00.000+08:00

First Stage (Denial)
in the acute phase pt will present with:

terminal insomnia
nightmares
hypophagia (phagia=eating)
lost of appetite
social withdrawal
hyper-thothialltheplace (throwing things all over the place)

Second Stage (Learned Helplessness)
if left untreated most pt will succumb to the chronic phase, which will manifest as:

hypersomnolence
increase in appetite
hyperphagia (basicly eating everything within sight or within the reach of hand)
increase in social engagement
hyper-inetoclevthiup (i need to clean everything up. room, toilet, etc)
loss of orientation to time, space and person

diagnosis: pre-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
trigger: end-semester final exam

all the usuall symptoms. been thru it for God knows how many times already. but it never gets better everytime. same 'ol goosebumps.
and yesterday, i was lying on my bed all alone. don't really feel like studying, and don't feel like sleeping either. so i got up and assemble the not-so-new garment rack i just got from tot (bought for use in batu pahat later). it was 1am n the morning. =)

p/s: i'm actually feeling fine. not that stressed-up anyway, not yet at least. hopefully it remain this way till D day. (do take note that level of stress is not in reverse to level of preparation =P). nonetheless, having to wait for uncertainties is definitely an ugly feeling.

pray for me my dear readers.. i need all the prayers in the world. haih!

[P/s (p/s)] : currently listening to 'my way'-frank sinatra =)

and so they've become

2007-08-11T09:49:00.000+08:00

friday 10/8/17 marked the day they officially earned the title which they'll carry for the rest of their lives. a title which with comes along far greater responsibilities.

oath taking ceremony

seeing this made my eyes hot. big HUGS to all of u! delldijafatah especially..i'm soo proud of u all!!

it won't be long till i'm there too, insyaAllah.

p/s: pic credits to (actually stolen without consent) jimbo =P

briyani for breakfast

2007-08-11T09:10:00.000+08:00

lin (a junior) and co. (her housemates) threw a birthday bash for mardhiyah (another jr) last night.

however thats not the highlight of my story today. the highlight is, for the birthday, they made her (mardhiyah) briyani. how's that for a cooking skill? hebat giler kan? anyway that is how i end up having leftover briyani for breakfast today.

the briyani..was seriously sedap. makan kosong takde lauk pun sedap. aku makan dgn rasa amat kagum.. diorang ni.. isyh.. hebat giler la i tell you. isyhh..

discovered!

2007-08-06T23:49:00.000+08:00

makin bz neh makin rajin lak aku update blog, hehh..

org kata makin byk tanggungjawab kite makin tinggi keupayaan diri.. ada satu wisdom saying, (aku tak sure kat mana aku dgr..) yg berbunyi; kalau kite nak suruh org buat sesuatu, jgn suruh org yg byk masa terluang, instead, suruh org yg sentiasa sibuk buat. the latter will be the one who'll get the job done.

i just noticed yg blogging and blog-hopping nih therapeutic. stress-reliever.
mind opener. bila menulis blog.. most of the time aku akan menulis bende2 yg selama ni duduk bersemadi dalam kepala je.. bende2 yg biasenye kat org aku tak cerita. seolah2.. viewing my own life from a different angle. dan jugak sbg satu cara utk mengekspresi diri and self discovery. . sblm aku mula menulis blog dulu, aku tak penah terfikir utk menulis apa2 dimana2.. aku ada diary, tp diary is one thing yg aku simpan utk diri sendiri, dan bukan utk dibaca dan ditatap org lain. tapi bila aku mula belajar menulis, (dan aku masih lagi belajar..) aku baru sedar yg menulis ni bukannya susah sgt.. aku pun boleh menulis! *now anyone can write!* dan makin byk aku menulis, makin byk bende utk ditulis! dan yg plg ketara..sikit demi sikit aku mula perceive segala yg berlaku dikeliling aku as topik yg menarik utk diceritakan/ditulis dalam blog. and writing is actually totally different from describing something verbally. ada byk ruang utk bermain dgn perkataan, manipulasi cerita supaya lebih dramatik..

part yg plg aku suka bila aku terjebak dalam dunia blog ni adalah..aku dapat baca ttg kehidupan biasa org2 disekeliling aku, dari berbagai jenis lapisan kehidupan. everyone has their own story to tell..their own struggle in life.. and discovering these, i may say, is a jem experience indeed. life yg sblm ni aku lihat from the perspective of my two eyes je, can now be seen from other's eyes as well. pretty something, kan?

(nowadays its not infrequent to find me qouting stuffs/things in discovered from other people's blog..ughh..talk about addiction..) tapi still.. there's a limit as to how far i can take in everything i read jugak kan.. so must be a bit wise there. *wink*

there's one more thing. my blog has recently been discovered!

hah!

(dell, i now u're reading this!) haha.. 4 years back when i started blogging i was just happy and content to have friends from blogging circle only. i never invited anyone to read my blog, or advertise my blog in any way possible, nor have i left any comments in real-life friends' blogs un-anonymously. aku penah gune my own real name kat sini before, but decided to revert back to anonymosity soon after. i also make sure that my blog is ungoogle-able had anyone tried to blog my name, heh. =P

bukan atas sbb aku menulis anything vulgar regarding anyone behind their backs, atau menghina sesiapa atau menulis apa2 yg bersifat propaganda atau provokatif.. (i'm a totally harmless writer, ok..), my only reason is..

aku selesa bersifat anonymous. (i'm not that anonymous anyway..aku ada post gamba sendiri every now and then dalam blog ni ape..)

so now babe, welcome to my blog! sorry i've been keeping this from u for so long..bukan sbb aku tak caye ko or anything ok! just jgn spread the word around ok, hehehe..

dell dija will be having their final year long case and exit viva exam later (today). * they're just hours away from becoming REAL doctors! walauwehhh...!! so uh oh..a HEARTY GOOD LUCK to both of u!! fatah dah beres, tinggal korg dua jer. i know u'll make it thru in a breeze. aku tak risau lgsg pasal korg actually. * lebih risaukan diri sendiri..huhuhu*

''dan ketahuilah, Allah tidak membebani seseorang itu melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya''

(terjemahan surah Al-Baqarah:286)

"Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Bersabarlah kamu (menghadapi segala kesukaran dalam mengerjakan perkara-perkara yang berkebajikan), dan kuatkanlah kesabaran kamu lebih daripada kesabaran musuh, di medan perjuangan), dan bersedialah (dengan kekuatan pertahanan di daerah- daerah sempadan) serta bertaqwalah kamu kepada Allah supaya, kamu berjaya (mencapai kemenangan)."

(terjemahan surah Ali-Imran ayat 200)

p/s: dah pass nanti jgn lupe belanje aku makan eh?

ice age

2007-08-05T11:29:00.000+08:00

anyone care to help.........? =)

hehe.. =)

2007-08-04T00:59:00.000+08:00

I’m not an impromptu buyer. I think before I buy. If I want something, I’ll check it out first. Try it on once or twice, then I’ll go home. Kalau malam tu tak lena tidur, makan tak kenyang mandi tak basah.., then the thing is definitely worth buying. And I usually won’t decide until I’ve seen all the items sold in the other shops first. Aku akan duduk, list down semua brg seangkatan yg menarik perhatian aku, compare prices, compare tahap kemenyesalan kalau aku tak beli barang2 tu, then... baru aku akan beli.

Sbb tu aku suke shopping sengsorg. Actually it is more like, takda org yg boleh tahan shopping dgn aku. (haha..kecuali sorg dua member..tu mainly sbb kitorg kongsi principle shopping yg sama)

But this time its different. Aku nak cepat dan aku mmg perlukan kasut baru. So nampak je satu yg berkenan, aku terus ambik. Malas nak pikir byk.

Its tumit-friendly, for prolonged standing. Tapak getah, anti slippery. Tak macam kasut lama aku yg dah banyak kali malukan aku depan org ramai. Siap ader butterfly and flowers kat bahagian tapak dier. Very girlish ok. Sayang lak rasenye nak berjalan byk2..Takut nanti lama2 butterfly tu haus..hehe.. Dan jugak, sgt comfy. Aku raser takat nak lari2 pakai kasut nih takde hal punye.

ni lah kasut plg girlish yg penah aku beli seumur idup aku, heh..

This one is one size bigger than my actual size. Size kaki aku yg comel ni, spt biasa mmg susah nak dapat (size 4 @5) so tak kisah la. At least I’ll have my share of being Cinderella kot2 kasut aku tertinggal time berjalan/berlari nanti. Harap2 la ada prince charming yg nak kutipkan kasut aku nih, hehehe..

Hopefully kasut nih tahan lama.

Ohhh..I so love my new shoe!

when everything turns down on me. oh tidak!

2007-07-31T20:52:00.000+08:00

kereta. kasut. lab coat. tendon hammer. and now lampu meja.
oh tidak.

i'll start with my labcoat.

1. aku tinggalkan labcoat tu di luar dewan time xm anaesthesiology and radiology ptg jumaat lepas.
i never see it again since. oh tidak.
nasib baik takde barang2 lain yg aku tinggalkan dalam poket tu, kecuali measuring tape. (dalam keadaan biasa, poket labcoat tu ibarat poket doraemon. ask for anything, u'll find it in there..)
so now i'm labcoatless.
and measuring tapeless.

thanx to bana yg sudi pinjamkan coat dier, at least for now i'm surviving.
tapi oh no. nak kne tempah baru before exam 2 minggu depan la nampaknye..huaaaaaa...

2. semalam jugak kasutku yg selama ini setia telah membuka mulutnya luas, luaaaas...... keluar lidah..keluar semua.. asalnye igt nak gam je kasut tu balik, when:

aku : karang time balik igt nak singgah cobbler laa. nak gi gam kasut balik.
5 org serentak dan beramai2 : haaaa? nak gam balik..? kasut macam tu nak gam balik..? kasut tu dah buruk *&^#*... tak rugi beli baru *%#&... dah sampai masa*&^%...buang jelah..*&#@...
aku : huhu..yelah..yelah.. (sambil usap2 kasut..)

3. keta tu dah dekat 8 bulan tak berservis.
oh tolonglah jgn geleng2 kepala. aku hanya seorg driver wanita yg hanya tahu isi minyak, isi angin tayar, basuh kereta bila kotor, dan cek minyak enjin bila kereta rasa lain macam. dan ahh lagi satu..aku juga tahu cek air. hehe..lain2 skill aku tak ada.. lalu bila kereta yang aku bawak rasa tak sesedap biasa..atau rasa macam tersangkut2 je hati mula rasa berdebar2...tiap2 kali nak idupkan enjin nak kemana2..hati aku mmg tak lepas berdoa..mintak2 la..sempat sampai sekolah..atau.. mintak2la..selamat sampai rumah..

bukan tak mahu hantar ke mekanik..tapi..

uhuh.. $$

dan uhuh..aku takut ditipu. (it happened once before)

dan disebabkan *uhuh* yg first tu aku can't afford utk ditipu..even tadi memberku si miha baru tunjukkan resit keretanya (yg hampir membuat aku menitik air mata..) yg dihantar ke kedai sbb minyak asyik menitik dari bawah kereta..tapi bila sampai kedai mekanik tu kata ini bocor..itu tersumbat..ini haus..lalu nak ditukar semuanya..(padahal sebulan lepas time member yg sorg ni cek kereta everything was fine..which aku secretly doubt betul ke semua sekali rosak at once...?) btw..member aku yg sorang ni went to the same kedai i got myself cheated so...mmm..

4. dan dah hampir sebulan aku tak nampak byg tendon hammer aku..dan did i mention yg exam aku will be in 2 weeks time?

5. and yesterday when i woke up i saw this.

sbnrnye when i first saw it was much more dramatic than this. aku repositioned lampu tu supaya tak nampak horror sgt

notice bahagian yg patah? lampu tu berdiri dgn adanya support dr dinding je. thanx dinding. thats what friends are for.

huaaaaaaa..... after 6 good years lampu ni berkhidmat kat aku..it suddenly decided to konk on me pagi semalam. of all the days. tapi lantak la..boleh menyala lagi kan..so it'll do for now.

5. and i never did mention lagi kan yg i'm moving to batu pahat by the end of the month. selepas almost 5 tahun belajar kat uni ku yg bertuah ni, the student affairs decided utk tak provide kitorg with hostel for the remaining 6 months of our medical training.

so new umah sewa (this will definitely go into my other post later, insyaAllah, if i have the time/chance)

basicly semuanya...ongkos..ongkos..ongkos..

I hope you dance

2007-07-29T13:44:00.000+08:00

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder

You get your fill to eat

but always keep that hunger

May you never take one single breath for granted

God forbid love ever leave you empty handed

I hope you still feel small

when you stand beside the ocean

Whenever one door close

I hope one more opens

Promise me you'll give fate a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance...

I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance

Never settle for the path of least resistance

Living might mean taking chances

But they're worth taking

Lovin' might be a mistake

But it's worth making

Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter

When you come close to selling out, reconsider

Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance..

(Time is a wheel in constant motion)

I hope you dance

(..always rolling us along)

I hope you dance

(Tell me who)

I hope you dance

(..wants to look back on their years and wonder, where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small

When you stand by the ocean

Whenever one door closes

I hope one more opens

Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

Dance...

I hope you dance

Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along.

Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.

2007-07-20T21:50:00.000+08:00

notice something about today's date?

its 20072007. hah!

my morning until 10.15

2007-07-19T09:43:00.000+08:00

0430. terjaga tdo n nampak 2 incoming msg drp 2 frens sejak mlm semalam.

msg pertama:

hi sori la, silent mode. dalam 400, boleh runding.
-*sigh* rm 400 utk mesin basuh 2nd hand utk kegunaan selama 6 bulan shj. kalau share 8 org? sorg rm 50. offer satu lagi cuma rm250 je. hmmm..

msg kedua:

hi there. esok u ader kat hospital tak? igt nak gi sana.
-dtg hospital?? *long sigh* macamana nih? bukan tak nak jumpa..tapi...*mengeluh lagi*

bgn n cuba nak study. flu aku ni lgsg tak membantu. dari semalam dok ader temperature.. lubang pernafasan pun cume sblh je yg patent.

beberapa ketika kemudian, zzzz... *tertido atas meja dan buku2..*

beberapa ketika kemudian lagi terasa ader sesuatu yg sejuk kat muka. huiishh..apa nih? sambil lap2 muka.. air?? tgk atas n nampak tingkap ader titisan2 air yg for surely dtg dari atas. keyboard laptop pun basah jugak. hiissyyhh..org atas ni lagi! bukan 1st time dier dok tuang2 air keluar tingkap dier. grrr.....

0921
tuut...*incoming msg*

hey are u coming to the ward with us?
-alamak. nak pegi ke tak nih? malassnye..humang aiii..

1007
ann bukak pintu bilik.
u, tolong habihkan nasik goreng i smlm ok? sambil angkat beg. nak balik kampung.
-haaa...? i mcm ni mana nak ader selera makan kak oi..!

ceh..and i still have a long day ahead of me today. terima kasih buat YAM Yang DiPertuan Negeri Sembilan sbb bg cuti hari ni.

misteri nusantara

2007-07-17T20:11:00.000+08:00

aku tgh duduk2 kat jblt petang tu dgn member2 utk revision class. muke masing2 time tu penyet je.. mmg penat giler la hari tu..lecturer tu pulak mcm takde tanda2 nak berenti lagi..isykk..

tgh cuba2 nak concentrate tu, tetiba mata aku terpandang id tag kat tudung.. tah kenapa hari ni 'kelonsong' id tag (plastik yg buat isi id tag tu..) aku tu nampak lawa pulak, nampak mcm berkilat lebih sikit dari biasa, nampak mcm... baru.

haha..mmg dah betul la aku dah penat sgt. mata pun dah tak betul.

tp sbb curious, aku pun amik dan belek2 id tag tuh..belek dekat2..issyk..betul ke nih. takkan la pulak. mcm mana tetiba buleh jadi mcm nih... kelonsong id tag asal aku ader 2 kesan koyak. dah kusam n ader kesan bintik2 pulak tu. biler letak id aku dalam kelonsong tu muka nampak macam ada demam campak pun ader gak.. disebabkan kesan koyak tu, tiap2 kali aku tunduk kedepan sikit, semua isi kandungan dier akan tercampak keluar (selain id, aku ader letak reminder dgn poket kalendar dlm kelonsong tu) bende ni mmg selalu jadi la sbnrnya. aku mmg dah lama menyampah nak kutip id aku yg selalu jatuh ni dan mmg dah lama niat nak beli plastik kelonsong yg baru pun. tp bile sampai kedai asyik lupe manjang. tu yang smp skrg tak berganti.

anyway, balik kpd cerita tadi..time aku dok belek2 tu..semua ciri2 yg aku sebutkan tadi tak ada di situ. yang ader cume sekeping plastik id yang masih cun dan berkilat. apa lagi kesimpulan yang aku ader..selain..

sah lah tu mmg plastik kelonsong id baru.

soalan seterusnya...

sapa yg gantikan?

takkan la aku terbeli sendiri tapi tak igt? aku belum seperlupa tu lagi kot, insyaAllah. penat aku pikir...kali terakhir aku perasan plastik tu still buruk lagi adalah time aku pinjam buku kat library minggu lepas. dah lama tu. takkan la ader org masuk bilik aku n gantikan time aku tido? takpun ader org tukar time aku solat kat surau? sapa nak buat keje2 mcm tu? housemate aku? huiiisyyy..tak mungkin kot.

sampai skrg, aku masih musykil... bile aku citer kat kengkawan, semua buat muke dek je......apekah? takde pulak sesape nak tampilkan diri dan jelaskan kemusykilan aku nih..at least boleh la jugak aku cakap terima kasih..takpun belanja makan kuih sekeping dua.. dah penat aku pikir.. hari2 aku pakai id tu makin tambah kemusykilan aku.. isyk..

sungguh amat misteri.

the tagging game!

2007-07-14T14:25:00.000+08:00

I’m hungry. And bored. So I decided to take the tag challege. Ha! From Kak Hliza.

8 random things about myself

1. I can’t stand cream mushroom soup and all cream-based soups. I actually love cream soup or should I put it, I used to love them, until one hictorical day when I vomited 2 hours after I ate a bowl full of mushroom soup few years back. Nowadays I can at most have a sip or two, but anything more than that will physiologically be thrown back out of my tummy.

2. I have the tendency to miss number 3 when counting verbally. Say I’m required to list 5 items, I’ll usually go; number 1 is yada..yada.. number 2..yada..yada.. number 4..yada..yada.. only to notice when I reached number 6?

3. I can’t sleep well without my blankets on. I’ll feel bare. Haha. I need to make my room tad a bit colder so I can snugly wrap myself in the blanket before falling asleep.

4. I really hate people who litter! Esp the ones who throw stuffs out of their car windows, apartment windows. *special note to the person who lives one floor above mine, screwww you..!!!*

5. I used to name my two lovely gerbera. Amirah and Nazirah. Sob..sob..do R.I.P..

6. I have an addiction for sunquick blackcurrant cordial. I take it at a dose of 750ml prn (as needed) –minimum once daily. Failure to comply (which usually happens when I travel elsewhere or balik kampung) will lead to withdrawal symptoms (dry lips, sunken eyeballs =P)

7. My all time ambition was ( and still are) to be an interior designer. Hah! But circumstances lead me to medical field, and I’m grateful nonetheless! But if I have more time in the future.. hmmm.. perhaps I will..

8. I love the sky. Night time, day time, sunny, even rainy days.. I just love them. During younger days I used to climb and sat on the window pane just to enjoy the breeze, or play with the raindrops that fall from the roof. Even now, I have my desk facing the window so I can look up to the sky whenever I study.

The rule of this tagging game is I have to tag 8 other people but since I don't have that much friends in here anyway, haha I'll just tag Dr.NO in return for tagging me earlier. =)

lalala...back to my books.

the unofficial holiday

2007-07-11T06:16:00.000+08:00

a teaching hospital decided to ban the students from the hospital ground for 2 days due to the accreditation processes.

on one hand its "wohooo..!!"

on the other its - takut kitorg malukan pihak hospital ke?

*sigh* apa-apa jelah..

Flowers!!

2007-07-08T23:51:00.000+08:00

since I already put up a post earlier, might as well put up another one. if I wait till later, God knows when that later might be.

So okay. I've been tagged. by Dr.No. I've never been, ermm..directly tagged before, so bear with me through this.

What's my favourite flower?

I like flowers. I seriously like them. but to be honest, I like them more when they're alive and healthy. ie; the ones still attached to the roots. I hate to see the beautiful flower stems dries up and become hardened and brown on my desk. By time, the petals would just fall off and I had to throw them away. I think its a major waste. However, I love to receive flowers just for the sake of symbolicity (is there even such word?) alaa, like when someone remembers u and cherish u and they give u flowers on ur special day, etc..etc.. I wouldn't mind that. it makes me feel valued/loved. and to give someone a pot instead of a bouquet of flowers seem rather ridiculous la pulak kan, and not practical at the same time.. so.. hehh.. its just that again, I'm stressing here, I like live flowers more. period.

1. the sunflower

I like it for its vibrant colour. for its cheerfulness. a friend gave this to me once, I tried to preserve it as long as I can, and when it dries up, took up it seeds and tried to plant it, but was not successful. hehh. I love sunflowers. they make me happy.

2. the tulips

I like tulips for no reason at all. i just like it. its simple and its colourful!! as a kid tulip was the only flower I know how to draw. haha.. so much for a drawing talent! =) this pic was actually taken by a friend who went to the tulip garden in amsterdam, and owh! he made me green with envy when he showed the pics of them tulips!

3. the gerbera

see, i'm saving the best for last. of all three, i like this the best. hands down. the gerbera. especially the red ones. it drives me crazee. i actually tried planting the gerbera twice. the first one died after 3 months. the latter survived 3 months longer than the first. i guess i have no green hands. but i'm planning to plant my third gerbera. but not in any time soon la i guess.

red gerbera

so thats all. my fave flowers. if i could list more, sakura and red roses would be somewhere down the list as well. hah. bilalah ader org nak bagiku bunga nih? hehhee..

something random

2007-07-08T22:30:00.000+08:00

hi everyone.
another post after a long hiatus. i wasn't in my blogging mood, but i was reading kak hliza's blog just now, somehow felt like writing something in here. so here goes a totally random post.

all who read my previous post would have known abt my washing machine. well, to add up to my series of mishap regarding this little creation called washing machines, the ones i'm currently parasiting (aka my friend's) broke down too. so earlier today, geared with my sabuns and berus baju, i rolled up my sleeves and started washing manually. hah. hours later, all i could do is sit on my chair feeling like my back would break. anyway, at least the laundry is done.

yep, i've been around these few weeks, jumping from blog to blog, catching up other people's post whenever i can. its just that i haven't been posting. don't ask me why. i guess one of the reason might be because i've been super busy..my finals are in about a month time. looking at the load of stuffs needed to be familiarized with before the exam, almost knock me dead. but yeah. i'm surviving. trying my best to build up my fortress so that i'm able to fend any attack from my lecturers in the exam.

so far my greatest weakness has been myself. i'm a nervous wreck. i can have nervous attack weeks before exam which can persist up to d day itself. which is actually mortifying. imagine not being able to eat, sleep or practically do anything weeks before the exam, retching away like mad the morning before exam, and went blank during the exam. for a student like me, its a nightmare. even worst than having dracula sucking my blood dry.

i had my worst nervous attack when i was in year 2, aka sem 3 final exam. i was so nervous and went blank on exam day. i failed that exam and had to go for reseat. i went home, hoping that i would be calmer and more focused by umi's side. i didn't. my nervousness just got worse by time. i remember sitting at my desk staring at the ceiling for days. and as you guess it, i failed that exam as well. which lead me to having to repeat a semester. major disappointment. that was when i realized, i need to seek help.

so i started talking to people about my problem. i started off with friends, but later realized i needed more than listening ears to solve my problem. i tried the counsellor, found her not suiting, before finally seeking refuge from my behavioural sciences lecturer. it was from her did i learn that i have some phobic problem. if i could name it, it would be examophobia..? hoho..i made that up btw, hehh..but i guess it would sound something like that.

anyway..the lecturer, Miss Z, as i call her, taught me breathing exercises, relaxation technique, prescribed me hot baths and some supplements, helped me through some desensitization exercises..etc..etc.. which had succesfully ease my way through the exam. she was my saviour indeed. i was well in the subsequent years, having less and less attack along the way...... until that day. i was about to have my end posting long case exam, and i was freaking out. that morning, i was pacing to and fro in my room, i can't swallow a thing, even breathing seem to require tremendous effort. i recognized the symptoms all to well, but nothing i did could prevail. i was in total mess.

but it seem like God loves me a lot still, as i was walking towards the ward that day, i managed to calm down and gather myself up. and i know luck was in my way as i walked to my patient's bed, when i saw the glowing eyes of my patient. i knew the case. i knew the patient . Thank God. and i think the exam went pretty well as well. i couldn't thank Him enough.

so here's me right now praying i'd have enough guts to face this exam with me and my senses in one piece. =)

barely alive

2007-06-27T06:14:00.000+08:00

i' ll be having xm in 2 hours time.

i think my heart had just popped out of my chest.

multiplication theory

2007-06-14T00:41:00.000+08:00

p/s: stumbled upon these pics of last year's trip to niah. it was a wet-drenching-muscle cramping experience!

free milk for 6 months, anyone?

2007-06-12T15:15:00.000+08:00

most of the mothers i met at the hospital defaulted from breastfeeding their babies.

80% of them would say, 'susu keringla'.. some would just say 'anak tak mau hisap'..'susahla. akak kerja'.. (these are not official statistics btw, they're from my observations) its frustrating, when the mothers actually are fully aware of the benefits of breastfeeding. most importantly, its free! who doesn't like free stuff..? if an advertisement comes out in the paper that sound something like, free highly nutritious food for newborns for 6 months! i bet hundreds of parents would sign up for it.

behold zainab afifah. a successful product of exclusive breastfeeding. her mom expresses breastmilk for her during working hours.

look at the chubby leg! OMG...!! *faints*

p/s: yea..yea..to have me, yapping abt all this when i'm far cry from having a baby myself.. but i'm all for the good things in life! so.., say hurrah to breastfeeding! i say it can be done! =))

maka..?

2007-06-11T21:37:00.000+08:00

Dalam byk2 perasaan, perasaan yg plg senang nak dipupuk adalah rasa malas. Tak payah tanam dalam adunan tanah 3:2:2 (tanah peroi:pasir:baja organik) supaya tanaman subur (mcm yg dipelajari dalam kemahiran hidup tingkatan 2). Tak payah ditabur baja kompos. Tak payah siram hari2..Biarkan saja di situ. Akan malaslah walau serajin mana pun hati tu pada mulanya. Nak lagi subur? Senang je. Lupakan semua disiplin diri. Buat kerja ikut hati. Berhenti motivasikan diri. Pikirkan selalu tilam yang sejuk dan bantal yang lembut. Pikirkan keenakan duduk bersahaja tanpa buat apa2. Nescaya rasa malas akan tumbuh hijau dan gemilang. Cubalah sendiri kalau tak percaya.

‘The world is prone towards instability’

Rambut yang dibiar tak bersikat akan masai. Rumah yang dibiar tak berkemas akan jadi semak. Mesin yang diguna tanpa diservis akan mudah rosak. Hati yang tak selalu dididik akan mudah lalai.

Tak mungkin rambut yang tak disikat akan cantik dan beralun. Tak mungkin rumah yg tak dikemas akan jadi teratur. Mesin yang tak diservis akan selalu berfungsi dgn baik? Hati yg tak dididik tak akan selalu igt pada penciptanya.

Maka, kesimpulannya rasa malas juga perlu ditangkis. Jika dibiar ia akan ibarat fungus diatas roti yg disiram air. Konfirm jadi koloni.

The 'nantilah' post

2007-06-08T20:25:00.000+08:00

yep. new post in my cobweb-coated blog.
this is a super backdated post.
i meant to post it on the day itself, but later told myself, 'nantilah.esok.'
which had somehow unknowingly turned into 'nantilah, bila ada masa' which..;
subsequently turned into 'nantilah, bila habis exam'
which by the time exam ended had turned into 'nantilah, bila dah cuti nanti..'
the cuti comes and it too...has ended.
and the post has still not been posted.
so here it is now. the post i've been meaning to put up. i post it now as a tribute to my 'nantilah sickness'.

it took place almost a month ago.
i attended 'daurah' at pasir panjang, pd.
it was a 2 days one night event.
i learned a lot, and had great time too!
(the pics were taken during the outdoor activity)

we hiked

we jungle trekked

we had group presentations

we prayed (in the forest! yikes!)

we took lotsof pictures

we imagined ourselves as crikets

or maybe as pirates of the seven seas

(i haven't watch POTC yet, mind u)

we were caught by the communist and held as prisoners with no food

(okay2..i got too carried away here..)

during the prayer time, we were told to take wudhu at a nearby water stream *aka anak sungai*

so i happily followed the instruction given to the stipulated so-called *water stream*..only to find a lopak-air looking water source.

gulp.

this can't be it?

air ni ngalir ke tak nih? betul ke boleh amik wudhu' nih? seriously?

what about leptospirosis? giardiasis? etc..etc..?

it was later that we saw punca aliran air of the so-called lopak air. even tho it was minutely moving, tp still considered ngalir kan..

so i held my breath and tawakkal je lah..
what an experience.

anyway, i survived. no tropical infection whatsoever to date.. =)

now, group pics!

aku, dia dan MyCard

2007-05-29T17:48:00.000+08:00

operational hour ends at 5pm.

on weekdays.

so i was not wrong when i walked to the counter and asked for my new MyCard at 4.55pm.

sapa suruh tutup komputer awal? i mean, theoretically speaking if the OPERATIONAL HOUR ends at 5, the computer should not be switched off before pukul 5 jugak la kan?

not that i'm asking for a VIP treatment ke apa ke.. tp utk dia suruh aku dtg pada hari lain when i'm already there and the computer was not even supposed to be switched off lagi is too much la kan.. and whats with the long face when her superior said "on je laaa computer tu balik.."

okayla.

if i'm in her shoe i'd probably curse [me] under my breath jugak la kot.. nyusahkan org je dtg time ofis dah nak tutup and all.. tp ye la kan, bila pejabat JPN ni mmg humang-aaai jauhnye dari umah aku, and i'm only so-called available after office hour je, all i ask is - bare with us pengguna la sikit if we happen to show up 5 minutes before waktu balik rumah. after all.. u people jugak yg letak slogan "amanah, cekap, MESRA" besar2 kat depan kaunter tu kan.

a little courtesy won't hurt.

wacky weekend.

2007-05-27T11:35:00.000+08:00

sunday has just started, but..whew! what a weekend!

dell and dija were in seremban since friday(for kak mas's wedding), so we just spent the our time eating out, recollecting stories, laughing until our chest hurts, eat together again, lepaking around without doing anything productive, eat out again, lepaking around, owh and i had my extensive study group sessions in the midst of everything (right now is holiday week

, and since the xm is nearing by seconds, we're having extensive study sessions everyday. basicly, no balik kampung until later this week), so it was practically keluar, study, makan, keluar, study, makan, makan, keluar, study for me.. i almost lost track of time and before i know it, it's time for them to leave dah.

bal was around too, he went home to kelana jaya for a while to sent his visiting grandma at klia and came back on the evening to join in our retail of makan, lepak, makan, makan..

and do i have to stress again,, this weekend is a blast!

with the newly-weds

but sadly, it was one of the days when my hands just wont stop trembling for no reason, so most of all the pics were blurry, which i hate! sbb.. i could not describe by words how kak mas looked that day, i was hoping the pics could..she was happy to he extent of almost euphoric, and beautiful and dazzling at the same time, she's glowing!

the hantaranss...

upon being commented how 'berseri2' she looked that day, kak mas said..

"mestilah! dah jumpe putera idaman!" and clutched her hubby - thus set us to drool in envy..

me and dell. our sad attempt to 'curi seri pengantin'.. mind the groom at the back =P

after that we head to encik dawi's house. encik dawi (pronounced 'cik') is our hostel coordinator.. he is the one we turn to if we had any problem regarding the house, i.e paip bocor, lampu terbakar, jiran buat pasal ,etc.. (see how much we're spoiled here..? lampu terbakar pun report je..takyah tukar sendiri..) few months back he was diagnosed to have brain tumour when he suddenly collapse at uni..subsequently he underwent a surgery..currently resting at home, while waiting for the tumour's HSE result to come out.. it was good to see that he's doing well.

sunday morning. breakfast @ McD

bal. aksi cookie monster.

yippie yeay!

beach!

2007-05-24T06:49:00.001+08:00

The sky

2007-05-23T06:38:00.000+08:00

This was taken a few weeks back on my way home from the campus one evening.

I was sad and worried at the time because I just found out that my CFCS patient had been involved in an accident.

"CFCS is a project where me and another partner is to follow and report the progression of a patient during the whole of our clinical years; that means a span of 2 years++. Not only that, we also need to get to know the family, educate the patient's and family, help in any way possible to improve patient's lifestyle and condition. (At the end of our clinical years we are to come up with a report. There will also be a viva session spesifically for this CFCS project, where we will be asked about our patient, what we did for him, what we didn't do, did he improve, did he deteriorate, etc..etc.. ) After all this while, Mr. Victor's (the patient) condition has somewhat deteriorated, despite some improvement in certain areas, and despite his complete determination and control over his lifestyle and diet (and despite our hardwork..!). I can say that he is one of the most cooperative and disciplined patient when it comes to diet control and lifestyle modification. But as I may put it, sometimes some things are just beyond our hands. So imagine how worried we got when we found out that he was involved in an accident. On top of that, the accident happened when we (both me and partner Kar Seng) were at home for semester break, so we were not informed of the incident! It was only after a few weeks passed that we found out about it, and to make matters worst, we were unable to visit Mr. Victor. We went to his house, but the house was empty. We later proceeded to his daughter's house only to find that only the kids were around..So imagine our frustration when we're lost in the dark and we don't really really know how Mr. Victor was doing." *sigh*

On my way home that day, as I looked at the sky, somehow i felt warm inside (despite the mixed feeling of sadness and worrysome). So I took my camera out (which for some STRANGE reason i brought to campus that day) and snapped this pic.

The sky has always been Allah's creation that I love most, it warms me all over everytime.

I remember telling myself as i took that pic, 'everything's gonna be okay..'

Yep, it would.

wonders of technology

2007-05-20T23:39:00.000+08:00

remember my laundry massacre? remember my broken down washing machine?
now behold this;

tadaa! a washing machine!

amazing isn't it? i was flabbergasted when i first saw it. azimah's mom bought this at carrefour few weeks back. apparently she had been bringing her laundry home that her mom finally decided to get her this. its rm99 a piece.

i'm still amazed.

Things will never be the same.. sigh

2007-05-20T14:13:00.000+08:00

You held my hand.
You said you were sorry.
And you went off.
My ears deafened.
My cheek turns wet.
Tears had betrayed me.

“I forbid you from flowing, tearie..I’m done crying over this person..”

But then again, it kept on flowing.
Non-stop.
No words were spoken.

What on earth do you expect me to say girl?

That I forgive u?
That everything will turn back normal?
And pretend that things are fine now that you’ve said those words?
Act as if nothing ever happened?

How I long to hear those words from you all this years.
Funny when it actually comes I feel like I never want to hear it at all.

You know..
I can forgive you alright.
If that will make u sleep soundly at night, then I will.
But just so u know,
U made a cut so deep that I will not so easily forget.

.

your love language

2007-05-14T22:09:00.000+08:00

pick one. the way to ur heart is thru...

1. touch

2. gift

3. act of service

4. quality time spent

5. words of encouragement

**************

for ainon, the way to her mom's heart the on 13th of may is a sweet, heart warming, tears stimulating slide show she created. (complete with super sweet background song of her life's journey and how her mom was there along the way to help her make it through) ouhh..

for miha, she perfectly aware that all the roads to her mom's heart has to be lined with glitters. huge gifts. ribbons. nice wrappings. hard love.

as for my dearest umi, i know just exactly how to tug at her heartstrings.

umi is a working mum, and she still a working mum now at 51. coming home late, on calls, late night shifts, homeworks to finish before the start of a new day, i understand her frustrations everytime she comes back to our -always in a mess, dusts everywhere home. and umi is a very particular person when it comes to cleanliness! adding up to her frustrations is the fact that she actually has no time to clean up everything. and the dirts build up. thicker..and thicker..and thicker..everyday..

but it was through hard work that i finally found the way to her heart.

before this, i've tried buying stuffs, fancy gifts, penned beautiful words on beautiful embroidered cards on special occasions.. none of it managed to move her enough, or able to successfully convey the message of how much she is cherished in my heart. they're heartwarming, yeah..but not exactly the right path to her heart. it was later when i decided to carry out household cleaning spree that i found out her weak spot. they way she smiled, the way her cheeks twitched in glee as i scrubbed her blackened stove to a glittering shine. when i cleaned and cleared the cobwebbed wrapped cupboard, or after i wiped the 3cm thick dust off all the 18 windows in the house, also when i returned the colours back to her bathroom tiles after hours of battle with the grimes..nothing beats the satisfaction seeing the gleam of joy in her eyes. i know i've found the way to umi's heart. its hard work, but worth all the while.

happy belated umi day, umi.

next time i'm home, i'm gonna scrub the grills pulak ok.

p/s: and yeahh..quality time spent finds easy way to my heart. *smile*

haaih..

2007-05-14T21:28:00.000+08:00

haaihh..been neglecting this blog.

last week's tag was : busy

this week's theme is : hectic

the week after the motto will be : xm week..!! *again..??*

-sigh-

this is life.

state of withdrawal.

2007-05-06T00:53:00.000+08:00

went to tesco earlier. it was just recently opened to public.
tempat tu agak jauh dari rumah, plus i'm no fan of hypermarkets.
niat di hati nak gi jenguk2 je. and while i'm at it, maybe get an ice cream or two, uh-oh..
(i ran out of supply last week)

ramainyee org...sampai tak hingat.
but then again, bende baru bukak, tak heran la kan..
still panas lagi..masih hip.

anyway..jalan2..tgk2..grab a thing or two, pen, buku tulis..bende2 yg tetibe rasa nak beli sbb murah..;
before i finally reached my destination..
the 'FROZEN FOOD' section.

and my jaw dropped.

6 peti.
with ice cream tags above it.
all empty.
licin.
kosong.
squeaky clean.

and i wasn't dreaming.
all the ride to and fro to tesco and i'm still ice cream deprived.
keciwaaa..

lantern festival!

2007-05-03T00:22:00.000+08:00

ermm..too lazy to put up any decent post. few pics will do.. actually nak letak byk2 pics, been so long since i put up any. these are taken at 'pesta bunga api dan tanglung' time aku balik taiping 2 hari lepas..lalu tepi jalan n nampak display2 yg sungguhla amat tempting.. so malam isnin haritu berjaya menghasut adik supaya ponteng tuisyen n temankan aku ke pesta tanglung nih. hehee..it was nice and for most part, colourful!!

bumbung istana aladdin di agrabah

and this is my favourite...dang!

draaagon..reminds me of the hungarian horntail..wauggh..

owh..macam ni rupenye nak seludup cd2 cetak rompak..

another cute display.. =P

..i'm in paris! weee...

i love the details of the display. see..?

and this...

lotus!

i was seriously possessed..look at that face, haha..

great relief!

2007-04-25T20:55:00.000+08:00

its a fibroid. small one. and she's discharged today. pheww. she might have to undergo a surgery later. truth is..i'm glad its nothing sinister. i went to sleep last night with thousand and one things flowing through my mind-- its almost crazy.

i told her today--"don't do this to me again. anything happens, you must tell me. yess i'll be worried, but its my job to be worried abt u, u're my umi. that, or i'll go crazy thinking of possible things that could happen to you." -sigh-

again, i wish i could go back right now jugak.

can't wait for xm to pass. cepatla hari jumaat!

of 24th of April

2007-04-25T00:51:00.000+08:00

umi called just now.

we talked.

its only after a while that she said;

'sorila umi tak habaq ni awal2 kat *isleasy*. umi bukan takmau bagitau, takdak apa2 pun ni. tp umi lani kat hospital. umi kne admit.'

gedegang! - jantung aku gugur-

it turns out that she had been admitted for the last 2 days, due to menorrhagia, but did not tell me, and warned everyone else not to tell me just because i'll be having my xm in the next few days. she doesn't want me to be worried.

i was furious! and of course worried! and taktau la.. i felt numb. i know her intentions are good, tapi... -sigh-

bile aku tanye umi ok ke? --she said 'yess' ..
umi bleeding byk ke.? --umi kata 'takdala byk pun..haritu *isleasy* balik umi dah ada period. lani ada lagi.'
uishh...[lama tu..] umi ada SOB tak? --umi cakap 'umi ok....jgn la risauu..umi takdak apa2..'
-aku diam-
betul ke umi ok? umi ada rase apa2 lain tak? -- umi jawab 'betul ni, umi ok.'

so i rest my case. at least in front of her.

then i called adik at home. then truth came out. she actually had been bleeding so profusely at home that she had to change pads once in abt ten minutes. getting worse since last week. i gawped. masyaAllah. byk tu.

and then there's another thing. okay..i don't really have much gynaecological knowledge per se at the moment, (i haven't done my gynae posting..i practically know almost nil) but i seriously smell something amiss. umi's post menopausal (currently on HRT). and per vaginal bleeding in post menopausal women is definitely not a good sign! so i went through all my books looking for some signs and clues and what i found was totally beyond me... *slap..slap my face!* i won't even try to go there.

maybe i'm thinking too much. -sigh-

yess..i guess that's it. i'm just thinking too much.

i need to find out more.

i pray nothing is wrong with umi. i pray that Allah would keep her healthy. i pray for her to be discharged soon.

i wish i could fly home and sleep with her tonight.

owh and did i mention? yesterday, (24th) was my birthday.

The Purple Sky

Surprise Mail

The short break

Lost again?

Its New Year Again..!!! =)

=))

How To Train Your Dragon

*sigh*

Something sweet

Leftover Breakfast

Ehem.. *screams* " I DON'T NEED THIS..!!"

New!

Home

Poco-poco? Naaahh...

She can't lie flat but she's still smiling!!

Hi there, how are you?

pre call blues

*GHOST*

Too lazy to write

Pink surprise

JUMP!

Dark alleys

Ramblings

I want a notebook too..*sigh*

Ahoy!

they have to take away everything.

"kayangan"

BAKO. here i come!

hajimete yo!

Life as it is now

not quite my baby yet

meow!

them kids

of induction course and cottons

blog?

freebies!

mahu tapi malas

Demam KDorama

suatu petang

pls don't change

hello

the week that has been

pure agony

i hate u but i love u

of vacation home and a fully loaded trunk

unwanted

back in seremban

lets sway...

They say good things never last *sigh*

happy, happy..

a lifetime of water-saving

pat at the back

twosome

hehh.

new year commotion

a year that was

are you in love?

which great leader am i?

poll. can u all help me out?

of pineapple and bottled water

dark rooms and empty lane

back to reality

lalala..its that time of the year again!

my orbit man

raya and a very depressing mood

been around; but not quite

Oh nO!

tag lagi!

Happy Belated 50th National Day

PTSD

and so they've become

briyani for breakfast

discovered!

ice age

hehe.. =)

when everything turns down on me. oh tidak!

I hope you dance

my morning until 10.15

misteri nusantara

the tagging game!

sigh

Ehem.. screams " I DON'T NEED THIS..!!"

GHOST

I want a notebook too..sigh

They say good things never last sigh

Things will never be the same.. sigh